When someone has gone through something traumatic, it is only natural for their friends and family members to want to sympathize with them. However, telling someone you “understand” is not the right thing to say UNLESS you have actually experienced it for yourself. For example, I lost my sister to suicide. My friends have been good about how they approach the subject with me, but if they were to tell me they understood, it would simply be untrue. While I’m sure they mean well, they haven’t lost their siblings to suicide, therefore, the statement isn’t true. It doesn’t help.

Instead! To empathize with someone, you may say “Hey I honestly don’t know what you’re going through but I can only imagine how rough it is. I’m here for you.” Or “I know you’re going through a lot right now and I can try my best to understand and empathize with what you’re feeling.”

These are a couple of examples of how you can be there for someone, without telling them that you know how they are feeling, if you don’t. It is okay not to understand what someone is feeling, everyone has their own life experiences and unique struggles, but instead we can connect on familiar feelings, similar rough patches in life and just let each other know that we’re here for support. One of the most underestimated expressions is listening and sometimes, it is okay not to have any words, but just knowing they are there for you.

13 REASONS WHY

As a parent of suicide, I decided to watch “13 Reasons Why”, it took me eighteen months after my loss to find the courage to do so.  I wondered how realistic it would be, in relationship to my experience, as a parent who is suffering with the loss of losing my child from suicide and from my daughter’s perspective, as a ninth grade teen.

The first few episodes made me angry because I felt it was so unfair that we, the survivors, don’t get the opportunity to defend our reasons why; why we didn’t listen, why we were too busy to hang out, why we didn’t say we were sorry.  It was their choice, for example, Hannah, who is played by Katherine Langford, to end her life, but they didn’t allow us the chance to defend our perspective, our faults, and our mistakes.

Subsequently, we are left with this inconceivable emptiness in the pit of our stomach and a never-ending ache in our hearts, without the ability to fix or solve the problem.  We can’t help them anymore because it is too late, they are gone and are never coming back.  It just seems so unfair.

From a parents’ perspective, I understand  Hannah’s mom, who was played by Kate Walsh, sadly too well.  The heart-wrenching fantasy in pretending for just a few minutes, that she has her daughter.  Her desire to believe she can still make future plans of college applications, wedding preparations and grand-children.  If only for a few moments, making you smile that the world is still okay, before the flood of reality suffocates you with the realization that she is gone and you are alone with only your memories.  The past is forever in your for-front of reality, with no present and no future.

However, I do agree with Clay, who was played by Dylan Minnette, when he explains to the school counselor, that he could have made a difference in Hannah’s decision not to die.  We all have that power, but we don’t see it at the time.  It is all in retrospect and this is where, we as survivors, torture ourselves into believing it is our fault and we should have done this or done that.  However, I still believe that once they have it in their minds to end their lives, there isn’t much we can do to change it.  First of all, we, as humans, are not equipped with understanding suicide, even when it slaps us in the face, especially as parents and loved ones.  We want to desperately believe that they are okay, so when they tell us that they are, an overwhelming sense of relief envelops us, even though somewhere in the back of our minds, we don’t fully believe them.

I guess the bottom line, is that a person who is contemplating suicide, is reaching out for help.  Yes, they will do whatever they can do to sabotage your attempts to save them or make them feel better, because a big part of them doesn’t want to be saved; however, there is still the smallest part of them that wants you to save them and they will give you many chances to do so.

That is why I believe awareness is the best solution.  If we know what to look for, distinctive qualities and behaviors, then we are that much closer to being there for them when they need us.  All we need is to save them one extra day and that day will turn into another.

All any of us have, is the present, for we can’t solely live in the past nor the future.  Therefore, if we take life day by day, perhaps we can save the next person who is thinking about suicide.  My wish for the world, is that no person should have to experience the pain of suicidal thoughts or the destruction left behind when someone we love dies to suicide.

We must remind them and ourselves, daily, that we are not alone, it is merely a trick of our mind, but we are loved and will be missed if we were to leave this world and those who love us.  It is up to us to spread kindness and acceptance to all those we come into contact.  You never know, who may be hurting, at that exact moment, when you pass them on the street or in the hallway at school, or in your work place; a gentle smile or compliment can change their life and those around them forever.

A survivor of suicide is someone who has lost a loved one to suicide. Survivors may be moms, dads, siblings, aunts, friends, etc. When a person dies of suicide, there is a lot of focus on why they did it and if there were any warning signs. We may ask ourselves if we could have prevented it. We may have feelings of guilt and may think we were not there for them or supported them as they needed, but it is not our fault.

It is so important, as survivors of suicide, to take care of ourselves. Of course it is okay to mourn for our lost loved ones, but we cannot allow ourselves to fall into unhealthy habits or ignore our own self-health and mental health.

Possible healthy outlets may be seeing a therapist, going to group therapy, going to church, exercise, or more simple activities, such as going on walks/hikes and surrounding ourselves with positive people. It is not a selfish act for us to focus on ourselves, as a suicide survivor, and what we need to do to stay happy, healthy, and most importantly, alive. Seriously! Someone close to us dying of suicide increases the risk of suicide throughout family members and friends by 65% (Medical Daily, Pitman A, Osbourne, 2016). Making sure we are taking care of yourself during these hard times is an absolutely necessary precaution.

Suicide does not discriminate. It does not choose whether you’re rich or poor, black or white, have a big family or small family, or have mental illness history in the family, it can affect anyone. There are so many factors that go into why someone may end their life, but usually it is a combination of several combined aspects.

So be kind and always remember that  being a suicide survivor can happen to anyone. Hug your loved ones close and be a non-criticizing shoulder to cry on when needed. and never judge.  You may think you know what is like to walk in someone else shoes, but until you do, you don’t❤️

Spread kindness and remember…you are not alone, there are resources to reach out to when you’re feeling depressed or suicidal…including us.  We have walked in your shoes, as survivors and with our own suicidal thoughts and ideations, so never be afraid to reach out for help or admit that you do.

MEDITATION

We’ve all heard about meditation and yoga.  Some of us practice it and others may mock it, thinking it’s only for “hippies”.  However, did you know that meditation has great healing abilities for both the body and the mind?

One of the many important aspects in meditation study is the breathing.  Not only does breathing at a slower rate than normal activity increase relaxation, better alertness and having a calming effect, it is actually stimulating different parts of the brain and body.

Meditation as Medicine, a book written by Dharma Singh Khalsa, MD and Cameron Stauth, references the Nadis.  Nadis are a series of nonphysical energy conduits that bring energy and communication to the entire body, mind, and spirit.  They are especially valuable since they are connected to the brain’s limbic system, which controls memory and emotion.

The hypothalamus receive the taste and smell impulses, communicates with the nervous system, controls heart rate, blood pressure, and body temperature.  It also has the ability to control mood and emotions.

Point given, daily meditation has so many great benefits.  I would highly recommend reading Meditation as Medicine if you or a loved one suffers with depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts.  It shouldn’t replace therapy and medication, but it can be a great catalyst to include in your daily routine.

Please join us this Saturday, May 19, 2018 at Santana Regional Park to help the American Cancer Society  fight cancer.  What  is the Relay for Life?  It’s where members of the community fight back against cancer by showing their support by walking individually or with their team support to raise money for the American Cancer Society.

Relay for Life symbolizes the ongoing fight against cancer and is supported by volunteers donating their time to the cause.  That is why The Jewels’ Angels Foundation will be participating in the walk this Saturday.  The American Cancer Society has been kind enough to ask us to participate as a vendor, so make sure to stop by our booth to show your support for both causes; stopping cancer and spreading awareness for suicide.

“Helping teens see that they are not alone with depression and educating on the awareness of suicide”

Where:  Santana Regional Park,  598 Santana Way, Corona

When:  Saturday, May 19, 2018 from 8 a.m to 2 p.m.

Sponsoring:  American Cancer Society Relay for Life Corona

American Cancer Society

Social media has exploded over the last decade. When I was a little girl, social media didn’t exist, and technology was around of course, but it wasn’t a huge factor (at least in my life). Every day, I would play outside with my neighbors, climbing trees, riding bikes and roller skating, playing pretend and playing flag football in the street. These are all activities that are good for kids: they give them exercise, social interactions, raised self-esteem, increased creativity, and healthy friendships.

Today, social media is a huge part of a teenagers’ life. Living through social media is the complete opposite: there is no physical activity, and children aren’t learning how to communicate with peers or make valuable friendships. Self-esteem is usually negatively affected because most of the images on social media are edited, processed through Photoshop and just unrealistic. Subsequently, creativity becomes lacking with kids expecting instant gratification, meaning they instantaneously want a response or an expectation.

This isn’t how the real world works, and social media is not preparing kids for a world, which requires communication, people skills and strong-willed personalities, to accomplish life goals, such as getting good grades in college, applying and getting into grad school, or competing for a promotion at your job.

It is important to teach our youth the importance of outside play and making valuable friendships with people in real life and not just over the internet or social media. And to understand that social media is a facade, it is whatever you want it to be. It will lie to you and trick you into believing you are valuable because you have over a thousand likes. But in truth, that doesn’t make you who you are, so it is important to teach our kids the true meaning of life; including things that are tangible, such as their family values and friendships.

CORONA-NORCO UNIFIED SCHOOL DISTRICT:

I just read this article in The Weekly about the efforts Corona-Norco Unified School District are making to get control over anti-bullying in schools.

The article is written by Shane Newell and it states, “Corona-Norco district’s campaign introduces to report incidents”.

It goes on to speak about how students can go to this website, the district has developed, and report any incidences on the webpage in regards to bullying or cyber-bullying, in the privacy of their own home.  Their message will go to the district and be read by an administrator, said Corona-Norco Administrator Director, Mike Ilic, and will be handled accordingly.

I’m not entirely sure how I feel about this nor am I sure it’s a step in the right direction in solving the problem.  First of all, on a positive note, I think this a great resource for students to have.  It will allow them the opportunity to speak up in the privacy of their homes and without the ridicule from other students, and possibly the bully, seeing them going into and out of the principal’s office.  Plus, speaking to the principal or an administrator may be scary for some students, preventing them from speaking up on this important matter.

However, my concern is how is the district going to handle it once they receive this information?  Second, how will they distinguish between who is the one being bullied, seeking support and help, and who may be using this support system in a negative way, such as to spread gossip.  Don’t we already have our children being isolated from communication with our social media?  Now, once again, they don’t have to face anyone, but sit behind their computers and iPhones saying things they don’t have the courage to say to someone face to face.  Let’s see how intimidating the bully is without their shield, called social media, but true communication.

I believe the district is trying to make efforts to move forward, solving our problem with bullying, but unfortunately, I am a little worried about the district’s intentions.  Are they really concerned or simply trying to protect themselves with a paper trail and following the guidelines of the new mandated state laws, to save face?

I’m worried that the school district is already too involved in our kids personal lives, and it is up to us parents to stand up and teach our children right from wrong. We need to teach them that bullying is wrong and it is unjust to be unkind.  We grew up with the saying, “Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words will never hurt us.”  That is a lie we have instilled into our society and our parents and our children.  Words do hurt and sometimes they can kill, indirectly of course, but you get my point.

If any of you have an opinion on this subject, please feel free to comment in the comment section of our blog.  We would love to hear what you all have to say about Anti-bullying resources and strategic planning to put an end to this once and for all.

By using the following two hashtags, you can spread positive awareness on bullying and cyper-bullying:

#CNUSDisKind

#CNUSDitTakesaVillage

This Saturday we will be participating in one of the many Walks Out of Darkness, hosted and organized by The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. This walk takes place in the Coachella Valley in Cathedral City, California. We, and many others who will be attending this event, walk for those who we’ve lost to suicide, we walk for those who are struggling with suicidal ideation, and we walk for the cause of suicide prevention.

During the Honor Bead Ceremony, we have been asked to each write something about our experience and a message of hope for those who are suffering from the loss of losing someone they love to suicide or someone who may be suffering with thoughts of suicide.  At that time, we will be releasing a white dove, which is symbolic to peace, love, and hope.

The walks are important because they help survivors realize they are not alone and there is a large community of people who have experienced a similar trauma. Also, it represents the ones we’ve lost to suicide in many ways: their pictures are posted along the sidewalks with a quote from them, and people wear shirts with their pictures or name on it. Also, different colored beads are handed out to represent why each person supports the walk. Orange is for loss of a sibling to suicide, and white is for loss of a child to suicide.

Spreading awareness and participating in community events to help prevent suicide is one of our biggest goals. We thank the AFSP for inviting us to yet another walk to display our foundation’s booth and give out our resources.

STOPPING GUN VIOLENCE

California State PTA – EveryChild. OneVoice.

March 14, 2018 is “CALL OUT” To End Gun Violence

2018 National PTA Legislation Conference is happening with federal lawmakers in Washington D.C. on March 13-15, 2018:

• Prohibiting the sale and possession of assault weapons, including automatic and semi-automatic weapons
• Mandatory background checks
• Waiting periods for all firearm purchases

The Jewels’ Angels Foundation, Inc. supports stopping gun violence, especially in our schools:

• Stricter regulations and controls
• Mental illness background checks
• Gun owner responsibility – mandated by the Government
• Mandatory gun safety (guns safely locked up) random searches by the NRA
• Schools equipped with metal detectors
• Gun safety education in school curriculum
• Mandatory emergency drills (what to do if faced with a school shooting)
• Social Media responsibility – alert proper authorities if faced with potential threatening posts or pictures; either in regards to self-harm or violence towards others
• Teens being rewarded for speaking up if they know or hear of another teen speaking out about hurting someone else or hurting themselves

Every voice matters…we must stop gun violence!

SoCo 4TH ANNUAL PING PONG TOURNAMENT

SATURDAY FEBRUARY 24 @ JOE’S BAR

Starts @ 12 PM / Check-In @ 11 AM

Entry Fee:  $25.00 per person

Proceeds Benefiting The Jewels’ Angles Foundation, Inc.

Sign up @ Joe’s

124 W. Commonwealth Ave.

Fullerton, CA 92832