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Loving Someone with a Narcissistic Behavior

Most of us have probably met a person with narcissistic tendencies but being in a relationship with a narcissistic person can be quite challenging, to say the least, and completely destructive.

A person who displays a narcissistic behavior is someone who feeds off another person’s energy, in an unhealthy way, like a parasite. However, this may be a matter of opinion. To a narcissist, this behavior is necessary for their emotional survival. They choose their victims to accommodate their need. They need that person who has low self-esteem, but it’s even more than that, they prey on the person who has a depleted self-worth.

Both the narcissist and his or her victim need something from each other. The victim desires the attention bestowed upon them by the narcissist, which is the positive attitude they falsely possess, the charisma of their charm, their contagious smile with their beautiful light of energy. However, this is exactly what the narcissist needs from their victim because this is what builds up their self-confidence. They don’t have it, so they must steal it from their victim. It’s a very subtle shift in perspective, the narcissist starts out being very charming and attentive. Showering love, throwing out empty compliments, promising the world, moving in quickly, but not too quickly to cause speculation. Who wouldn’t love this kind of attention? However, someone having a strong self-worth is less likely to fall for the lies promised, but someone who doesn’t love themselves more than they loved him or her, would be easy to trap.

Once you fall into their trap, you are stuck, just like a fly who gets trapped in the spider’s web. At this point, the dynamics change, the once doting boyfriend suddenly, as if overnight, changes. They are now controlling and possessive. Sucking out your energy of light, leaving you with nothing, but an emptiness inside you that turns to shame. You love him, but you forget to notice that he too loved himself more than he loved you and do you know why? Because he is incapable of loving anyone because although it seems he loves himself, he does not.

But what happens once he can no longer feed off of you, or sap your energy for his own benefit, or realizes that he has lost control over you and can no longer possess you…what happens to the narcissist then? Two things, he either leaves you and moves on to his next victim, or he is forced to take a closer look at himself. The second is the most damaging to his already fragile ego. He may see his true self through your eyes, but it won’t be enough to make him realize the blessings he has in his life.

Subsequently, what happens when the victim stands up and finds his or her voice and regains her independence, what happens to the narcissist then? Will he accept this and move on or will this new development send him into a spiral of events, causing him to lose control of himself? The once confident narcissist who possessed the power and control over his victim, is now the one who is losing control, not only the control he once possessed over her, but now the little control he had over his own self.

That’s what a narcissist is, an individual with no control over his situation and therefore develops it within those he encounters, since he can’t control his own situation or life, he redirects that energy into controlling the person whom he loves, or thinks he loves. From this point on, he is spiraling out of control into a dangerous situation. This is new to him and now he doesn’t know what to do. He needs her for his own survival and without her, what does he have? But this is the tricky part…he doesn’t need her because he loves her, he needs her to help him emotionally survive and without her he can’t, and this scares him. Therefore, lies the cycle of destruction.

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Body Language

I remember as a kid, looking out the window, watching as my mom lead our horse out into the pasture. She had a grace about her, as well as the connection I noticed between her and her horse. It was almost as if they both understood each other in ways that were subtle and intimate.

Horses are natural healers, following the delicate vibrations from our body language. Some people think that a horse responds to aggression or the slight tug on the harness, but this isn’t the case. Horses, as well as most animals, react to the gentle cues given by their riders or owners, directed through their body language. The movement of their hand pressed up against their neck, leading them to turn. The casual pressure of the foot slightly placed on the side of their ribcage. Perhaps, it’s the casual look over their shoulder, leading the horse to turn to the right or left.

Whatever the allusion is, it is magical. Horses have a therapeutic way about them. Horse therapy isn’t a new study. Many cases show that it helps people with both physical, emotional, and psychological challenges by giving them healing benefits, such as more confidence, higher self-esteem, socialization skills, better coordination, coping mechanisms, and body strengthening.

Our bodies are primarily made from water and energy, which transfers to those around us. Not only do horses sense our body language and our subtle cues, they also feel our energy. They sense when we are feeling sad or desperate. They feel our feelings, which helps us to better relate to them because we are all connected in one way or the other, but especially because we are all made up of atoms and molecules, which allows us to connect through our energy. Horses have the ability, as well as we do, to feel our energy and vibrations. This is why they say animals can smell fear; they may not be able to actually smell it, but they can hear it or at least sense it. This is what makes animals so amazing.

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LIFE IS A CHOICE

When a tragedy occurs, we are almost never prepared. We think we know how to formulate ourselves for death, but in reality, we are taken aback and surprised of how little we were not.

Suicide is in a group all by itself. The life we once knew has been dissolved. Our path has suddenly ended, dropping us off into the abyss. Our life has been severed.

A year goes by; family, friends, co-workers, and acquaintances start thinking it is time for us to get back on our feet. It’s been long enough, they say, but to us it only feels like yesterday – the day our life, as we had known it, has ended. We feel broken – damaged, struggling to cope with a choice that was not our own. They chose our destiny when they decided to die by suicide.

We have a difficult time functioning, maintaining relationships, going to work, and we look like we’re okay and this is what people want to see, but inside we don’t feel okay, nor will we ever be okay again. We feel dead. The day our loved ones left this earth, a piece of us went with them.

We desperately want to get back to a somewhat normal life, but the challenges are all consuming, suffocating us. It’s hard to breath, our hearts our fluttering, we have post-traumatic stress disorder, waking up in the middle of the night from nightmares, and suffering with anxiety. Therapy helps. She gives us coping skills, but we realize we can only save ourselves – nobody can do this for us.

We are healing, but it’s a slow process, one that requires patience from our families, as well as from ourselves. Nobody can prepare us for the trauma that has been endured. Some days we feel as if we can’t go on, but then we accept that we must. We cannot continue this cycle of suicide.

Slowly life starts to get better. We meet new people who bring us hope. We spend quality time with the people who have always loved us – the people who will not leave us behind, as suicide has done. We spend countless days, weeks, and months spending time by ourselves, reflecting on our journey called life – remembering, this is our journey and we can either chose to spend it in the light or in the darkness, but in the end, it is our choice, not theirs. No matter how dark it gets, the sun is always going to rise again.

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CHANGE IS GOOD

IS CHANGE GOOD?

They say change is good. I would say that is a matter of perspective. Change is good when you are moving forward and towards something positive. Such as a new job that you are excited to start, a new home, new friends, and new adventures. However, respectively, it may also cause a lot of stress and anxiety.

Starting a new job requires you to struggle outside your comfort zone; meeting new people, learning how the company operates, and taking on new responsibilities. Moving to a new home may cause stress because of financial reasons, leaving behind your friends, and perhaps moving into a smaller space, requiring you to get rid of some of your favorite household items. It is also intimidating to be the new kid on the block, therefore, meeting new friends may be scary or feel forced. New adventures have the potential to be exciting; however, this may require some adjustments on our perspective.

Then there is the factor that we are not all alike. We all handle stress and anxiety at different levels. Although an adventure may be looked upon as fun and low stress to one individual, it may be a huge stress factor for another.

So, how can we make life changes most effectively? First, listen and ask yourself, what part of this change is causing you anxiety. Second, do your homework. What this means is prepare by giving yourself plenty enough time to prepare for the change, such as moving to a new home. Third, ask for help from family and friends when it becomes too overwhelming for you to handle. Fourth, be patient with yourself.

You are going to have a lot of emotions flying out at you, so let them come in like a wave, ride the wave, and let them go. Trying to fight off a negative feeling only makes it worse, turning the simple thought into a huge panic attack. We are in control of our thoughts; this is where perspective comes into it, keep a positive attitude. Don’t take life or yourself so seriously.

Yes, change is scary, but it is a part of life and most of the time it teaches us to grow, when we didn’t want to but needed to. And always remember, you are not alone on this journey called life.

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Learning to Protect our Heart

LEARNING TO PROTECT OUR HEART

We’ve all heard the expression, “to give your heart away”, but is this really a good idea? I know we all believe in the Cinderella story, wishing to find our Prince Charming, who will seek us out and save us from the wicked stepmother, but we also know this is not realistic. However, we are taught at a young age that it is okay for us to “give our heart away” to the person whom we fall in love. Sometimes this scenario works out and sometimes it doesn’t.

Scientifically speaking, the heart and brain cannot survive without the other. If the brain dies the heart dies and if the heart dies the brain dies. Unfortunately, some of us only think with our hearts, while ignoring our brain.  We might feel something isn’t right, but our hearts tell us differently; subsequently a broken heart can be detrimental to our health, causing heart disease, high blood pressure, illnesses, stress, anxiety, and depression, to name a few. This warning is even in the Bible, Proverbs 4:23 – “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”

My point is, that it is our responsibility to ourselves, to love who we are enough to only allow those who are worthy of our love, into our hearts and our lives. Too many times we are lonely and settle with a person who is not worthy of our love and the end result is a broken heart. We are all deserving of love, the right love; however, this comes with patience and understanding for who we are and our needs. 

True love does exist, so don’t give up on it, but self-love is forever.

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Happy New Year 2021

The Jewels’ Angels Foundation wants to wish everyone a safe and prosperous New Year, filled with healing and new promises for a better year.

We also would like to remind you that today is your last day to make a donation to our foundation for your 2020 tax return tax deduction. The Jewels’ Angels Foundation is a non-profit 501 (c)(3), so your donation is 100% tax deductible.

Next year we will continue to raise money to fund our newest project – Jewels’ Angels Ranch, as well as participating in (if COVID-19 lifts) suicide awareness & prevention walks with American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, specialized motivational speaking events, community outreach programs, and working with legislation to implement certain bills and programs into our educational system.

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Happy Holidays

Wow! This has definitely been a challenging year. The Jewels’ Angels Foundation would like to wish you and your family a holiday filled with peace and love, as well as remembering to be patient with yourself, kind to others, and show compassion to both yourself and to others. During challenging times, our character is tested, but we will remain strong as long as we keep our faith.

“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. This is why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

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Santa’s Angels’ Fundraiser

This year, our Santa’s Angels’ Fundraiser, donated holiday gifts to the Operation Safe House in Riverside, CA. We are so blessed to have this organization to help find a safe place for runaway teens. They provide shelter for transitional living, food, a safe place to sleep, and support for teens between the ages of 10 – 22 years old. It’s a wonderful program and we were honored to donate to them this year. The counselors there were so nice and grateful for our contribution.

This year’s donors:

Renuance Cosmetic Surgery Center in Murrieta (they also contributed towards Laura’s House)

The Harris Family

The Jensen Family

The Jewels’ Angels Foundation, Inc.

Mountain Mike’s Pizza in Corona

We couldn’t have made this fundraiser possible without our wonderful donors…a shout out to them and their amazing hearts!

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Mountain Mike’s Pizza Fundraiser for The Jewels’ Angels Foundation, Inc.

MONDAY NOVEMBER 16, 2020 from 3:00 pm – 10:30 pm (take-out and delivery ONLY)

Call in your order at 951-279-8000 or order online: https://www.mountainmikespizza.com/menu/

OR you may order from an app, such as GrubHub or DoorDash

140 W. Ontario Ave., Suite 104, Corona, CA

Please RSVP your commitment by clicking on the link below:

http://www.groupraise.com/events/1:68937

Thank you for your continual support and always remember – You are not alone on this journey called life.

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My Personal Experience with Loss

     I’m not a psychologist, therapist, or a doctor, but I am a person who has lost someone to suicide.  Actually, I have lost two people I deeply loved to suicide.

     Suicide has become a four-letter word to me. Almost four years ago, I lost my fourteen-year-old daughter to suicide on November 26, 2016.  Although it feels like yesterday, I still live daily with the details of that day in my mind.  Gradually, you feel yourself healing a little and you start to do some of the activities you used to enjoy. 

     The sadness is always there in the back of your memory, but you push forward.  Eventually you decide to trust life just a little because you have been through so much and deserve to start living your life again.

     Then you meet that special person.  The one who brings the light back into your world of darkness.  You can feel a happiness growing inside of you, flourishing and making you feel alive again, when before you had felt dead. 

     He has a special charism and charm about him.  His smile is contagious, making you laugh at his stupid jokes.  You can’t stop smiling and you have to admit that you are quite smitten with him.  Realizing that you have so much in common, you find an instant connection with him, wanting to spend more and more time with him.

     Have you ever met that one person who everyone always seems to like, because they reach out to you, talking to you when you may have been hesitant to approach them?  That person who can talk to anyone – everyone is his friend.  You know that he was obviously one of the popular kids in high school, hanging out with the most sought out students?

     He makes you feel special, he makes you like yourself again, he makes you forgive those who have wronged you, because he makes you a better person.  You actually like who you are because you have a new sense of peace.  You want to smile at strangers, as you walk by them because you are genuinely happy. 

     But then that one day the sunshine hides behind the cloud, as the cloud becomes dark. A darkness evolves, suffocating the light that once surrounded you.  You’re confused because you didn’t see this darkness, it wasn’t there one day and then it suddenly appeared. 

     The darkness is called depression.  Your special person who had been filled with the light of happiness has now been engulfed with the darkness of depression.  You try to bring the light back out in him, but he can no longer see it.  Glimpses of it appear every now and again, but then the light fades, until one day the light doesn’t come back on.  And what you’re left with is only the darkness.

     Depression is like a parasite.  It feeds off you, taking all your energy and light, until you are left with nothing.  You’re tired, exhausted, and weak; unable to fight back.  You try to fight back, but it’s all consuming, allowing no light to come back into your world.  It has taken over – it now controls you.  It has won.

     Depression doesn’t only effect those who are infected with it, it affects all those around them, who love them.  They plead for their happiness to return…if only they could be happy again then they will be okay.  But that’s not how depression works.  If you lose control of it, it consumes you like a black cloud, suffocating you until you can no longer fight back, so you give up.

     And when you give up, the pain you once endured, is now passed on to the next person in line.  And that would be me.  I lost my fiancé to suicide on September 5, 2020.  It is dark again.  And now almost four years later, I am having to heal from two suicides, crawling my way out of their darkness and fighting to find the light that left them; stopping the cycle.  I will not pass my pain onto the next person.  I know the sunshine is out there, somewhere.  Where there is darkness, there is also light.  Nothing stays dark forever; therefore, I will not give up on those who love me and myself.

We are not alone on this journey called life>3