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LABELS

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LABELS

It has been almost ten years since I became obsessed with suicide. As many of you may know, my beautiful daughter died by suicide almost ten years ago on November 26, 2016. Immediately after, I started noticing everything related to suicide and depression. There were more advertisements about it, more television shows, and more social media posts. I was obsessed with reading every book and watching every show on Netflix about suicide and depression. I had become preoccupied with death. I was crazed into learning all I could about depression and all mental health disorders. I wanted to know why my sweet little girl took her life.

Perhaps it was my own perception, but it seemed as if the entire world had been infected with the conversation around suicide. Shortly after, Chester Bennington, from the band Linkin Park, also died from suicide. This is when I was introduced to The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). I was introduced to other parents like me. I was in a new club that nobody wished to be in, but I found some needed support with people who understood what I was going through. I was now labeled as a suicide survivor since I had survived the death of a loved one by suicide. Was I becoming more fixated on suicide that seemed to be suffocating me, or was there more suicide attempts and completion that I was now noticing? I’m not sure, but I started noticing it everywhere.

In groups, we talk about the importance of starting the conversation and speaking up and talking about suicide. I agreed that this was a good point and could help those that felt stigmatized by the word, not feeling comfortable talking about how they are feeling and accepting that they are struggling with their mental health. I felt as if something like this could have helped my daughter and was happy to see that maybe mental health was moving in a more positive, productive direction. I felt as if our society was starting to take notice to our mental health crisis in our country. I became aware that I was reading more articles about prevention. I joined the Riverside Coalition group in Riverside County – helping to better educate educators and society about suicide prevention and awareness. I was pleased with the progress, witnessing, as a society, that we were starting to make a difference when it came to talking about suicide and mental health.

Shortly after that Covid hit and more people were struggling with the isolation, lack of community, and social connection. Once again, that old familiar feeling of fear crept back into my heart. However, I felt as if, our nation, society, and community, we were still on track to understanding the fragility of our nation’s mental health. Once again, I was in awe with our communities. Reporters were opening the conversations, the media was openly addressing mental health awareness, and even the news on the local radio station was supporting individuals, families, and communities. We were doing this together. After Covid, I saw a dramatic improvement with mental health and suicide awareness. Unfortunately, in 2026, I witnessed a decline in our understanding of suicide and mental health awareness.

Have we regressed? Currently, our nation is a mess. We’re dealing with pollical issues daily, hate crimes, falsified news reporting, and deportation issues. I am ashamed of how our nation has handled certain political situations. As a defense to all this hate, we have become fixated on words and language. I do believe that words matter, so I am especially sensitive to this subject, because they do hurt and so many times certain individuals don’t take accountability for their words and actions – this is a shame. I completely believe in the importance of communication.

As I noted earlier, starting up the conversation about suicide ideations, thoughts and mental health awareness, is such a beneficial tool. However, lately, I’ve seen a sensitivity around certain words, creating a stigma that had once been lessened and that stigma is suicide and mental illness. I say mental illness because there is a difference between this and mental health. Mental illness is a diagnosed mental disorder by a professional mental health psychologist, psychiatrist, or therapist. Whereas mental health is about the overall well-being of our mental state. We use these terms loosely, and they are distinctively different. We say that we are open to speaking out about these prospects, but are we?

I have also noticed lately that certain institutions and mental health activists are creating a language barrier between us and mental health agencies. Certain words are no longer allowed to be used, creating confusion on what we can and cannot say to each other. We want to think that we are being sensitive to an individuals’ feelings and emotions by creating new words to camouflage words like suicide and mental illness but unfortunately what we are doing is indirectly, creating more shame. Who is it that we are trying to protect – the industry of mental health? Is it us who have diagnosable disorders or the part of society that doesn’t’ and just thinks that they need to get involved. Personally, all this confusion between what words we can use and cannot use, makes me feel like they don’t really understand us at all. We don’t care about the words used, but rather the ability to communicate how we are feeling and have our voices heard. I don’t want someone to advocate for me if they don’t know what it is like to live in my shoes.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish to shout out my mental health diagnosis to the world, there needs to be a privacy between me, my therapist and my family, if I choose, but I don’t want to feel awkward either. I don’t care so much about the words, but I do want to have the freedom to talk about them without feeling shamed. I can’t tell you how many times people have asked me about my daughters and when I say that my youngest daughter died by suicide, they get this blank look upon their face, changing the subject or saying something uncomfortable and awkward. I get it, it’s not a comfortable conversation to discuss, but this is my life. Someday, my wish is that we, as a society, can treat suicide and mental health disorders as we would a physical illness, with grace, compassion, and understanding, and without the awkwardness. Mental illness is an illness just like any physical illness, it just so happens to be associated with the mind, instead of the physical body. I’m not sure why we have separated the body from the mind, while making the mind a shameful organ. It’s a mystery to me. The brain is an organ, just as the heart is an organ. Perhaps it is because we don’t understand the mind. My hope is that as science grows and develops, we will better understand the mind the same as the body, treating both equally without shame and judgements.

Most of us just want to be understood and heard. Shame isolates, creating feelings of loneliness, worthlessness, and desperation. Just because we have a mental disorder doesn’t mean that we are broken. As of any illness or disease, we can find a cure. Medications can help us to live healthy lives. Labels only make us feel more isolated and alone. We aren’t a label. We are human beings with hearts, souls, and minds. We all want the same thing – to be loved, heard, understood and find a lasting connection.

I don’t want to feel ashamed of who I am anymore. I don’t want to be labeled as a person with anxiety and PTSD. I don’t want the stigma that I am broken. I don’t want to feel ashamed. I don’t want to be unheard anymore. We are all beautiful inside and outside, in body, mind, and soul. Let’s just live our lives to the fullest, with our community, and in peace. It is okay that we aren’t perfect. None of us are, but what we are, is a community loved by each other.

If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide or suicidal ideations, you are not alone, text 988, visit them online at https://988lifeling.org to learn more about how they can help, or reach out to someone you trust, such as a mentor, friend, or a family member for support.  We are in this battle together and always remember that you are never alone.

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Another Year Behind Us – Goodbye 2025

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ANOTHER YEAR BEHIND US – GOODBYE 2025

Wow, I can’t believe that another year has already gone by and so quickly. It seems like only yesterday we were welcoming in the new year of 2025, but here we are, saying goodbye to another year and hello to year 2026.

It seems as if most of my life I have been looking back to the past, instead of looking forward towards the future. New Year’s Eve wasn’t saying hello, but saying goodbye to the year gone by, missing the memories left behind as we celebrated a new year. New Year’s Day was a day filled with sadness, regret, and lost opportunities for what I didn’t accomplish the year prior. However, I had it all wrong.

New Year’s Day brings us the promise of tomorrow. The prosperity to do better the next coming year. It’s fresh. It’s new. It is as if our slate has been wiped clean and we get another chance to make our dreams come true. During this time of year, it helps me to remember that I live in the present with the ability to make a promising future. The past is a wonderful place to visit, where all my memories are held, but growth comes from moving forward – a cherished place to visit, but not a place to live.

Tonight, we will remember all that we have accomplished, or those whom we have lost. It’s a time of bittersweet memories. Light a candle for what was and what will be. This past year has been good to us. The barn doors went up today. The barn is on its way to being finalized. The quicker we get this project completed, then we can start up our Horse Therapy Program, bringing hope to teens and young adults. That sounds like a great beginning to a new year to me.

So, if you are feeling melancholy, about saying goodbye to another year…remind yourself that this is a new beginning, not an ending. Set your goals, be patient with yourself, and just go for it! And most of all, never stop believing in yourself! We need you in this world 😊

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MELANCHOLY

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MELANCHOLY

This time of year, I am consumed with an overwhelming sadness, suffocating me. Certain times of the year I am fooled into believing that I may have escaped the entrapment of grief, the feeling that I’m only living half alive. However, I am continually being tricked into believing the magic of the holidays with the everlasting succulent scents of cinnamon and pinecones, representing the holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas.

I struggle even though most will see me with a smile upon my face. Keeping myself busy helps but then there are those quiet times that sneak up on me, catching me off guard. I don’t write this for pity to be bestowed upon me, that is the last thing I am seeking. I share my thoughts with you to remind you of what is so important. The will to survive, to fight these dark desires, feelings of grief, depression, and loneliness. We must truly live our lives to the fullest. This isn’t just a cheeky cliché, but a true expression of survival.

Sometimes it seems easier to surrender to the sadness of life, but harder to get up, get dressed, put one foot in front of the other, and live. Trust me, I know these days, that sometimes turn into weeks, months, and even years, and they can be exhausting, feeling crushed while asking myself “what is the point?”.

Subsequently, there is a point to this madness called life and that is love, connection, and family. Family doesn’t need to be blood, it can be a friend, acquaintance, pet, or even yourself. We were put on this earth for a reason; I truly believe this. We didn’t ask to be born, yet here we are, so there must be a reason. We may not see that reason or currently know what it is. I must believe this, that there is something bigger than us.

My best advice to you and to myself is to never give up. Do some deep soul searching. Seek those around you that love you. If you feel stuck, make a change in your life, even if it is scary. It doesn’t have to be a big change, simple, smaller changes may be just as impactful. It’s just important to change. There is a reason why change is difficult for most people – because it is frightening not knowing what is unknown. It makes us feel uncomfortable and therefore, unwilling to feel this way, we avoid changing something that is overdue.

If it feels uncomfortable, just do it. I’ve found that most things that are hard and scary were some of my best decisions. There is never a right time to start so start right now, today. Remember, you are stronger than your pain.

Someone said this quote to me once, and it just stuck in my head because it’s a fact – you don’t know what you don’t know. Simple and to the point. You won’t know what is best for you until you try it. I think I’ll take my own advice. Everyday is a new day and a new day to do better than you did yesterday. Thank you for listening and happy holidays 😊

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Where We Are Is Not Where We Were

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Where We Are Is Not Where We Were

When we started The Jewels’ Angels Foundation, Inc. in early 2017, we had no clue to what we wanted to do with our non-profit. All that we knew at the time was that we needed to do something that would slow down suicide rates. We knew we were mental health advocates, but to what extent we did not yet know.

As time went by we began to develop a better understanding to our calling, as it formed into something much greater than we had originally anticipated. While we were in California, we started our search for angel investors to fund our programs. We had fallen in love with the idea of starting an emotional support horse ranch (Equine Therapy), using rescue horses for our program that would target adolescences/young adults, between the ages of 10 – 24 years of age. We had done thorough research on all the wonderful benefits horses provided in healing both physically, emotionally, and mentally. Upon doing so we discovered that this was truly what we wanted to do with our foundation. We would start our program, but first we needed to obtain funding, since we were a new organization at the time.

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However, finding investors, individual donors, and grants was more challenging than we had originally bargained. They wanted to see the program running before supporting us, but this was impossible since we hadn’t even started it yet, but they wanted us to prove our program’s worth. Such that we are a 501(c)(3) organization, we do not qualify for governmental loans such as an SBA loan, as a profit company would qualify, making our dream a challenge. We needed land to build our barn for our horses and without funding our efforts came to a halt.

Although our endeavor seemed like a dead end, we were determined to find a way to succeed. Too many young people were continuing to struggle with suicidal thoughts and ideations and dying, we couldn’t just sit quietly and do nothing. We knew some day the opportunity would present itself for our program so we were determined not to give up; however, bleak the prospect seemed.

A couple of years later a unique opportunity presented itself. We were to move to Montana. In January of 2021 we packed our bags and moved to Missoula, Montana, saying good-bye to our home state of California. While in Montana, I met a wonderful man who aspired for the same things I did. He too wanted to make a difference in the world of suicide awareness. He too believed in our mission and cause. Together we continued the mission of building our ranch where struggling teens would have a safe place to go and spend time with horses, a place of healing, a place to connect with other teens, a place to belong.

It’s been a journey and four years later we have a barn and are currently in the process of building our dream home on the beautiful mountain property, surrounded by trees in Anaconda Montana. Our dream for The Jewels’ Angels Foundation wouldn’t have been possible without the love and devotion that my husband showered upon me and our cause. He carried forward unwilling to give up when things got hard and seemed as if the dream of starting our emotional support horse ranch was out of touch. His unwavering commitment to us and our purpose to save those struggling every day with mental health challenges, depression, and suicidal thoughts, is a true witness to his devotion to both me, and those whom we are aspired to reach.

Along our journey, we have met some wonderful people who have helped to make our project possible, providing their hard work and determination in seeing that our project succeeds, and for them we too are grateful. Thank you to Jeff McQueary at M&P Excavating for seeing this through and never giving up on pushing the project forward, when at times it seemed impossible. Not only is he a great excavator with great work ethics, but I like to believe that he has also become our friend. Another thank you to Dan Frey with Frontier Building Group for his dedication to taking on a partially completed barn and turning it into something beautiful when it had seemed unattainable. His hard work and determination to get it finished during the winter months, with the roof being installed before any structural damage could happen once snowfall came, was commendable.

I am proud to call Anaconda home. It’s a place of community. A place were your neighbor looks out for you. We met some great people in this small town nestled in between the snow-capped mountains and pine trees. They welcomed us into their community as if we were one of their own. In return we want to bring a sense of relief and comfort with our Equine Therapy program by providing a service to help all teens grow into confident, self-empowered, strong individuals, slowing down, if not stopping suicide. As a community I believe that we can do this, if we stick together.

We still have a lot of work that needs to be done before our program starts, but I don’t doubt for a moment that this can be done. Sure, there may still be obstacles that try to get in our way and stop us, we have seen many of these along the way, but this won’t stop us from succeeding. When we started the foundation we had just the two of us, but along they way we met my husband, his wonderful family, and the beautiful community of friends and supporters we have gained along the way. I am excited to include the community of Anaconda now to our list of supporters. We can’t wait to continue what we started back in April 2017, turning a devastating circumstance into something beautiful. Jewels would be proud of us, therefore, we do this for her and for all the people struggling with suicide either personally or who have lost someone to this horrible thing called suicide.

Although Suicide Prevention Awareness Month is almost over, the need to take care of yourself and others is a lifelong devotion and doesn’t end in September. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or ideations, you ARE NOT alone. There is help. Reach out to us at https://jewelsangels.org,  text the National Suicide Lifeline at 988 or call them on their website at https://988lifeline.org. Never give up – although today may seem bleak, tomorrow may be your best day yet!

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Suicide Prevention Awareness

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SEPTEMBER IS NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION AWARENESS MONTH

The month of September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. Unfortunately, we all know that suicidal ideations, thoughts, and completing a suicide, are not designated to only the month of September, it can happen anytime of the year, but this month is a special time for all of us. It is time for us to take time out to care for ourselves, pay attention to our loved ones who may be struggling and need a little extra support, or to simply be kind to all those whom we encounter during the day. It is amazing how a simple smile, hello, or you look nice today, can make a huge impact in someone’s life.

Taking time out of our busy schedules to devote some self-pampering is not only needed, but a necessity. Too many times we focus on being there for those around us, our family members, co-workers, employees, and such, but we neglect to take care of our own needs. Self-love is so valued and not always recognized in our society. You can’t love someone else unless you truly love yourself and by taking time to reflect on self-care can make a difference in your mental and physical health, as well as those around you.

Some simple self-care tips can be:

  1. Treating yourself to your favorite beverage or treat
  2. Getting a massage
  3. Going on a walk to self-reflect
  4. Journaling
  5. Picking yourself a flower
  6. Exercise, such as yoga or swimming
  7. Meditation
  8. Reading
  9. Manicure or pedicure
  10. Bubble bath

We like to think that we are hypersensitive to our loved ones’ feelings and emotions, that we will be able to tell if something is bothering them. But this isn’t always true. The signs may be subtle at times, and don’t always catch our radar that something is wrong. Opening the lines of communication allows mutual communication, sanctioning someone who is struggling into a conversation. It is always nice to feel listened to, but during times of depression, stress, and overall challenges, our bodies weaken, becoming fatigued. When this happens, we let our defenses down, allowing feelings and emotions to sometimes get the best of us. Knowing that we have people around us who will listen is so helpful during those times of need.

People with depression may also be empaths, wanting to take care of others, however, often neglecting their own needs. They won’t reach out for help because they are the individual helping others and therefore, abandoning their own needs to ask for what they want or need. An empath is someone who feels other people’s feelings and emotions. This may be confusing to them, if they don’t understand it, for it may be hard to distinguish between some else’s feelings and emotions and their own.

Finally, be kind because you don’t know what some else may be going through in their own lives. Words do matter and hurt. The negative effects of social media have affected so many young people in a negative way, making words so important. Choose your words wisely because you cannot undo what has been said. The negativity of that sting lingers on, even after you’ve said you’re sorry. Instead choose positive words to uplift those around you. Be the light in someone’s life, not the darkness. Compliment often with a genuine intent. Laugh more. Smile more, but most of all, love more completely and deeply. Don’t take life for granted because we are not promised a tomorrow, all we have is today.

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What Does Suicide Prevention Mean to You

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WHAT IS SUICIDE PREVENTION

I attended a webinar today about Suicide Prevention with the subject discussion called Means Matter. I like to attend webinars about suicide to learn from others and their experiences. The information is generally helpful. However, this webinar saddened me. I have been attending webinars and conferences since 2017 seeing positive changes towards awareness and prevention, but I feel like our understanding of what suicide prevention means is a bit construed.

I think it is important to focus on the why, why do people feel that they want to die by suicide. I’m often asking myself, why do some people feel sad, hopeless, and helpless but overcome the suicidal thoughts and ideations, whereas others give in to it by giving up? I have not yet found the common link, but I will never stop trying and this is where these webinars are helpful to me and my understanding, by increasing my knowledge.

Hours after the webinar I was sitting at my desk thinking, what does suicide prevention mean to me? To me prevention is like being a lifeguard. The purpose for that lifeguard is prevention. They are trained to prevent drownings by educating swimmers about water safety and controlling the pool or beach environment before an accident can occur. As a lifeguard their main goal is to prevent the drowning from happening rather than saving someone who has drowned.

This is how I look at suicide prevention, finding a way to save the individual who is experiencing suicidal thoughts and ideations before they fall into crisis mode and attempt to complete a suicide. This can be crucial in saving their lives, but we first must find out the why. Which leads me to another thought. When is the crisis mode? Some of our statistics are studied through calls to the crisis hotlines. Research has determined that crisis mode is between thirty to ninety minutes. When individuals call in wanting to give up, then within thirty to ninety minutes they have calmed down enough to hang up, feel better, and are out of crisis mode. My argument is this – is the individual in crisis mode when they make the phone call? The triangle to suicide is helplessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness. Is that individual hopeless at that moment when they make the phone call or do they still carry some hope?

These suicide hotlines are beneficial and save many lives, but my concern is that we don’t want to put all our trust into these call centers and think that our loved one is out of crisis mode and we can relax. I believe the call centers are great for individuals that are struggling and need someone to talk to, but do they save someone who is seriously thinking about ending their life?  I lost my daughter to suicide and I too have been suicidal and honestly calling anyone was the last thing I wanted to do because I didn’t want help or to be stopped. My daughter had suicide hotline phone numbers taped in her notebook, the schools do a good job of giving them out to all students, and she didn’t call the hotline that night she gave up and decided to end her life.

Please don’t misunderstand me about my message here, I one hundred percent think these suicide hotlines and call centers are beneficial, at the right time, before the individual is in crisis mode. When they are willing to have a conversation, this is great and the time for these call centers, but crisis mode to me is the most crucial time, and that is the tricky part, it is when they have decided to end their life, and this is when we must notice the warning signs to help them. I have included a few of the warning signs:

  • Wanting to be alone
  • Pushing family members away
  • Mood swings
  • Giving away favorite possessions
  • Talking about “if they die” “what ifs”
  • Listening / watching content about death
  • Random thoughts of guilt
  • Insistent about having their favorite foods
  • Prior suicide attempts – this is the most crucial time to get them help and support

These are only some of the warning signs when your loved one is in crisis mode. Subsequently, if we can get them the help they need before crisis mode or attempted suicides, we can figure out the reason why they are suicidal. Depression and other mental health issues do need to be addressed, but just because you have a mental health disorder doesn’t mean you are suicidal. Seeking a mental health therapist will help to treat the disorder, but let’s find out the why in suicide. Let’s figure out what we can positively do to redirect their thoughts and ideations with a purpose and hope for a future.

We all feel better when we feel needed. Here are some suggestions that have helped me during my struggles:

  • Forming an organization or group event
  • Journaling / Writing
  • Exercise (something daily)
  • Swimming or paddleboarding (water has a great healing ability)
  • Eating healthy
  • Volunteering somewhere you love (I love horses and volunteer with an equine therapy organization)
  • Spending time with my pets
  • Spending time outdoors
  • Binge watching my favorite shows (this one might sound weird, but it helps me to think about non-important thoughts, taking my mind away from my negative thoughts and thinking)
  • Joining a group, such as a yoga class or karate class
  • Meditation
  • Knitting (anything where you are doing something repetitive that doesn’t require you to think – hand-eye coordination)

In conclusion, as a society and individuals we are still looking for the solution to ending suicide. My suggestions will not save the world, but I do think that they may help. As parents and caregivers, trust your intuition and judgement, if something doesn’t feel right with your loved one’s behavior, trust your gut and get them the help that they need. These coping skills and family support have helped me to become the healthier me who is no longer suicidal, but we still have a long way to understand why some chose suicide over life. Continued research to understand the why rather than focusing on the means of how they completed suicide will bring us closer to ending suicide. This is my goal and I will never stop trying to know why.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or ideations there is help. Start the conversation with someone you trust or call or text the Suicide Lifeline at 988 or visit their website 988 Lifeline – If you need emotional support, reach out to the national mental health hotline: 988.

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A Souls’ Connections

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A SOULS’ CONNECTIONS BETWEEN DESTINY AND LESSONS

I try to write a blog post at least once a month, but sometimes this can be a challenge. I like to let ideas flow into my head, so when this quote appeared I thought it would be a fascinating piece to write. “When we break our connection with our soul, do we lose touch with reality?”

I found an amazing YouTube video on this subject narrated on a theory by Carl Jung called “The Energy of Two Souls Aligns, No Force Can Keep Them Apart”. Carl Jung was a Swiss psychiatrist known for his development of analytical psychology.

Carl Jung – When the Energy of Two Souls Aligns, No Force Can Keep Them Apart

Carl Jung believed in a theory called synchronicity, meaning alignment. We don’t always understand why some people are placed in our lives, while others are only in our lives for a short amount of time. This may be through death, break-up, or a mutual decision to leave the relationship. The relationship doesn’t have to be romantic, it can be a friendship, family member, our children, and even our parents. But for whatever reason, our souls connect with some but not others.

Some connections are destiny, whereas others are lessons. “You attract what you haven’t healed”. Our destiny in this life is to find love. Some of us are hopeless romantics. We want love so deeply that we will almost go to all costs to find it, even if it is at the expense of our own healthy inner-self. Love is a frequency which attracts us to people that we need in our lives at that time. Sometimes these relationships may be healthy and other times not so much. When we find that perfect person that makes us whole, that is our destiny. When we find that person that feeds our inner securities, that is a lesson.

Destiny is finding that connection between another person – our souls find each other because we are made up of energy and energy is directly proportional to its frequency. We may be attracted to that person in a healthy fashion. We feel at peace with them. They make us whole, not complete, but whole. We feel at home with them. True love to say. We are a mirror. What we see in that mirror reflects who we become. Are we a mirror of denial and fear showing us our truth? Or are we mirrored with a self-confident, strong individual?

When a connection becomes a lesson is when our unhealed traumas find love. We are attracted to our traumas, either to find healing within that other person or simply a mirror of ourselves. Ask yourself, “what did this awaken in me that I needed healing?” The mirror never lies because our triggers, brought on by our traumas, are messages to ourselves, reflecting to us. What we seek in others is often the thing we are withholding from ourselves. If we are afraid of abandonment, our fear of this will attract us to someone who will leave us. If we are desperate to find love, without fully loving ourselves and being okay with being alone, we will attract people who don’t know how to love us.

In order for us to be truly comfortable in our own skin, content, and at peace, we must learn to heal from our past traumas and triggers so that the energy we put out there into the universe is one of the same we wish to receive.

Certain people who cause us pain aren’t put into our lives to cause us suffering. They are put into our lives as a lesson for healing. Look at a break-up, death or end of a relationship as the role it was intended. Was it destiny or a lesson? Are we mirroring our pain into the choices we make in our relationships or choosing people that our souls’ frequencies have connected to? Love shouldn’t be hard. Pain isn’t a punishment; it is a teacher.

I will finish with this quote that I love from Carl Jung, “Intensity without stability is a fire that burns everything down. True love doesn’t feel like an addiction; it feels like an alignment of our souls.”

Photo Credit: JME

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Kindness is Mental Health Awareness

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MAY IS MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH

In honor of May, which is Mental Health Awareness Month, let’s remember to be kind to others and practice self-care towards ourselves.

Some simple acts of kindness may be offering a compliment, a smile, a simple recognition of someone’s time or efforts, or even a kind thought. Pass it forward when in line at your local coffee shop, restaurant, or any place of business, by offering to pay for the customer in line behind you. Kindness is contagious. Watch and see as your act of kindness passes onto the next person.

When we put out positive energy, it surpasses the ability beyond our circle and flows out into the universe, surrounding others who may later come into direct contact with us, either knowingly or unknowingly. Have you ever noticed that when you are smiling and engaging in eye-contact, others notice this light in you and often will smile back at you? Afterall, we are made up of energy, and that energy is transferred from us to others; subsequently, having a domino effect. We smile at someone, making them feel good inside, and they transfer that energy to the next person, and so on and so on.

Recognizing self-care is also important, not only during the month of May but throughout the year. One way to do this is through diet and exercise. I believe a healthy diet with a regular exercise plan is always a good resource to lift my spirits. Sometimes our mood drops when our bodies are not properly nourished. Regular exercise is known to increase serotonin in the brain, as well as endorphins. These natural occurring chemicals help to boost our energy, enhancing our moods.

The second factor to a healthy diet and exercise is that it has a direct impact on our self-esteem. When we feel good about ourselves, we have a better perspective and attitude about who we are and our lives in general. Some examples of a healthy meal may consist of a balance of nutrients from protein (beans are an excellent source if you are a vegetarian), carbohydrates (brown rice, whole grain, quinoa, edamame), vegetables, fruits, low-fat dairy products, and lots of water. Exercise can be anything that you love, such as the gym, a brisk walk, swimming, bicycle, yoga, stretching, or Pilates to name a few. I love to do yoga several times a week. During the summer months I get out to the lake on my paddleboard and during the winter months I love to ski with my daughter.

Most importantly, pick something that you enjoy and have fun doing it. This will allow you to continue exercising without thinking of it as a chore. And of course, take a day off from exercise if you are feeling tired and find something that may be more relaxing, but still a positive coping tool, such as reading a book or baking.

So, the next time you are out and about, thinking that your smile, compliment, or positive thought doesn’t make a difference, redirect that thinking process towards a more positive perspective because it does make a difference. This is what we all need during turbulent times – positive energy flowing through ourselves and into the universe, not hate, but pure love and kindness.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or ideations there is help. Reach out to someone you trust or contact the suicide 988 Lifeline at https://988lifeline.org/ or texting 988.

You are not alone, and you matter!

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The Secret Parasite Entangled in Depression

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THE SECRET PARASITE ENTANGLED IN DEPRESSION

Depression is a parasite that grabs hold of you, unwilling to let go.

What does depression look like? It is the one who brings the light into your world of darkness, feeling a happiness growing inside of you, flourishing and making you feel alive again, but it lies to you because it will take it all back.

It has a special charisma and charm about it. Its smile is contagious, making you laugh and cry, maybe even in the same day. It could be for something validated or for nothing at all. It has so much in common with you that you find an instant connection with it but also wish for it to go away.

Have you ever met it? It catches you off guard. You make deals with yourself on the good days, feeling like yourself again, forgiving those who have wronged you, feeling like you want to be a better person. Liking who you are in that single moment, because you have a new sense of peace. You want to smile at strangers, as you walk by them because you are genuinely happy.

But then that one day the sunshine hides behind the cloud, as the cloud becomes dark. A darkness evolves, suffocating the light that once surrounded you. You’re confused because you didn’t see this darkness, you thought it had gone away. It wasn’t there one day and then it suddenly reappeared.

The darkness is called depression. You had been filled with the light of happiness; however, now engulfed in the darkness of depression. You try to bring the light back out and to life, but you can no longer see it. Glimpses of it appear every now and again, but then the light fades, until one day the light doesn’t come back on. And what you’re left with is only the darkness.

Depression is like a parasite. It feeds from your soul, taking all your energy and light, until you are left with nothing. You’re tired, exhausted, and weak and unable to fight back. You try to fight back, but it’s all consuming, allowing no light to come back into your world. It has taken over and once again it controls you. It consumes you like a black cloud, suffocating you until you can no longer breath, so you give up.

You know the sunshine is out there, somewhere because where there is darkness, there is also light. Nothing stays dark forever.

There are not just two choices, to either fight or to give up. It’s not all black and white, there is a lot of grey in between too and it’s called healing.

There is hope. Depression is real, but it doesn’t define you. Don’t let it be your story. Seek help through your community, find a therapist that validates you, and turn your trauma into something positive for someone else to learn from your insight. And most of all, don’t give up! That is not an option because you are not alone on this journey called life ❤

If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, suicidal thoughts or ideations, there is help. Text 988 or call the Suicide Crisis Hotline. For more information, visit their website:

988 Lifeline – If you need emotional support, reach out to the national mental health hotline: 988.

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OUR TRAUMAS DON’T DEFINE US

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Our Traumas do not define us.

This week my therapist asked me an important question. “Who is your five-year old self and how can you be more like her?”

I often think about her and she makes me smile. I remember her as a spunky, sweet girl with golden-wheat hair that surrounded her angelic face with flaxen curls. She was so independent. I know this because my dad told me. I had a white dresser in my bedroom. He put my “everyday” clothes in the bottom two drawers. This allowed me the freedom to dress myself and go next door to my adopted grandparents’ house for breakfast ever day.

I absolutely love that statement he gave to me. I was independent and made my own choices. Granted, I was only five with limited control or accountability; however, I loved his tactic of conditioning me into someone I now respect.

Independence has always been important to me. Subsequently, with it came a cost. I would say that growing up, I was given too much freedom to be independent, especially after my parents’ divorce. It is not always a good thing because with my independence I isolated myself, which created me to get lost into my own distorted perspectives, which weren’t always good.

That five-year-old girl became insecure, developed a low self-esteem, and became too self-critical. I stopped believing in myself and looked to others for guidance, direction, and acceptance. I stopped believing in the things that I believed in. I pushed my own dreams aside to please others, especially my parents, partner, and my dad.

I have accomplished a lot in my life that I am proud of, and therefore, with my life experiences I have realized how important it is to believe in yourself, even when nobody else does. This is beneficial in many ways, but especially when it comes to gaining a healthier self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence.

My challenge for you is to reintroduce something back into your life that inspires you. For me, it was my writing. I always loved to write and read, dreaming of being a published author. But I didn’t have enough confidence in my talents, abilities, or myself to go after what I really wanted because I listened to people in my circle who told me that I wasn’t good enough. Perhaps I’m not, but I will never know unless I try.

That is why my wish for everyone is to give it a try by believing in yourself because if you don’t then nobody else will. As an adult I have been lucky and blessed with people in my life who do believe in me and somedays more than I do. They’ve helped me to regain my confidence and self-esteem, but only I have the power to do it. So, I did it. I published my first book and now when my therapist asks me what I liked about that five-year-old girl, I can tell her. I love her independence, courage and perseverance. She didn’t give up on herself, even when life made it so easy to do so. Instead, she persevered and made her life into what she had dreamt it to be.

HER SCARS is sold on Amazon as an e-book or paperback at the following link:

https://a.co/d/3U3IgAo

Feel free to visit my author page for more information about HER SCARS or to learn more about the novel at the following link:
Her Scars