When a tragedy occurs, we are almost never prepared. We think we know how to formulate ourselves for death, but in reality, we are taken aback and surprised of how little we were not.
Suicide is in a group all by itself. The life we once knew has been dissolved. Our path has suddenly ended, dropping us off into the abyss. Our life has been severed.
A year goes by; family, friends, co-workers, and acquaintances start thinking it is time for us to get back on our feet. It’s been long enough, they say, but to us it only feels like yesterday – the day our life, as we had known it, has ended. We feel broken – damaged, struggling to cope with a choice that was not our own. They chose our destiny when they decided to die by suicide.
We have a difficult time functioning, maintaining relationships, going to work, and we look like we’re okay and this is what people want to see, but inside we don’t feel okay, nor will we ever be okay again. We feel dead. The day our loved ones left this earth, a piece of us went with them.
We desperately want to get back to a somewhat normal life, but the challenges are all consuming, suffocating us. It’s hard to breath, our hearts our fluttering, we have post-traumatic stress disorder, waking up in the middle of the night from nightmares, and suffering with anxiety. Therapy helps. She gives us coping skills, but we realize we can only save ourselves – nobody can do this for us.
We are healing, but it’s a slow process, one that requires patience from our families, as well as from ourselves. Nobody can prepare us for the trauma that has been endured. Some days we feel as if we can’t go on, but then we accept that we must. We cannot continue this cycle of suicide.
Slowly life starts to get better. We meet new people who bring us hope. We spend quality time with the people who have always loved us – the people who will not leave us behind, as suicide has done. We spend countless days, weeks, and months spending time by ourselves, reflecting on our journey called life – remembering, this is our journey and we can either chose to spend it in the light or in the darkness, but in the end, it is our choice, not theirs. No matter how dark it gets, the sun is always going to rise again.