Tag: parenting

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LABELS

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LABELS

It has been almost ten years since I became obsessed with suicide. As many of you may know, my beautiful daughter died by suicide almost ten years ago on November 26, 2016. Immediately after, I started noticing everything related to suicide and depression. There were more advertisements about it, more television shows, and more social media posts. I was obsessed with reading every book and watching every show on Netflix about suicide and depression. I had become preoccupied with death. I was crazed into learning all I could about depression and all mental health disorders. I wanted to know why my sweet little girl took her life.

Perhaps it was my own perception, but it seemed as if the entire world had been infected with the conversation around suicide. Shortly after, Chester Bennington, from the band Linkin Park, also died from suicide. This is when I was introduced to The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). I was introduced to other parents like me. I was in a new club that nobody wished to be in, but I found some needed support with people who understood what I was going through. I was now labeled as a suicide survivor since I had survived the death of a loved one by suicide. Was I becoming more fixated on suicide that seemed to be suffocating me, or was there more suicide attempts and completion that I was now noticing? I’m not sure, but I started noticing it everywhere.

In groups, we talk about the importance of starting the conversation and speaking up and talking about suicide. I agreed that this was a good point and could help those that felt stigmatized by the word, not feeling comfortable talking about how they are feeling and accepting that they are struggling with their mental health. I felt as if something like this could have helped my daughter and was happy to see that maybe mental health was moving in a more positive, productive direction. I felt as if our society was starting to take notice to our mental health crisis in our country. I became aware that I was reading more articles about prevention. I joined the Riverside Coalition group in Riverside County – helping to better educate educators and society about suicide prevention and awareness. I was pleased with the progress, witnessing, as a society, that we were starting to make a difference when it came to talking about suicide and mental health.

Shortly after that Covid hit and more people were struggling with the isolation, lack of community, and social connection. Once again, that old familiar feeling of fear crept back into my heart. However, I felt as if, our nation, society, and community, we were still on track to understanding the fragility of our nation’s mental health. Once again, I was in awe with our communities. Reporters were opening the conversations, the media was openly addressing mental health awareness, and even the news on the local radio station was supporting individuals, families, and communities. We were doing this together. After Covid, I saw a dramatic improvement with mental health and suicide awareness. Unfortunately, in 2026, I witnessed a decline in our understanding of suicide and mental health awareness.

Have we regressed? Currently, our nation is a mess. We’re dealing with pollical issues daily, hate crimes, falsified news reporting, and deportation issues. I am ashamed of how our nation has handled certain political situations. As a defense to all this hate, we have become fixated on words and language. I do believe that words matter, so I am especially sensitive to this subject, because they do hurt and so many times certain individuals don’t take accountability for their words and actions – this is a shame. I completely believe in the importance of communication.

As I noted earlier, starting up the conversation about suicide ideations, thoughts and mental health awareness, is such a beneficial tool. However, lately, I’ve seen a sensitivity around certain words, creating a stigma that had once been lessened and that stigma is suicide and mental illness. I say mental illness because there is a difference between this and mental health. Mental illness is a diagnosed mental disorder by a professional mental health psychologist, psychiatrist, or therapist. Whereas mental health is about the overall well-being of our mental state. We use these terms loosely, and they are distinctively different. We say that we are open to speaking out about these prospects, but are we?

I have also noticed lately that certain institutions and mental health activists are creating a language barrier between us and mental health agencies. Certain words are no longer allowed to be used, creating confusion on what we can and cannot say to each other. We want to think that we are being sensitive to an individuals’ feelings and emotions by creating new words to camouflage words like suicide and mental illness but unfortunately what we are doing is indirectly, creating more shame. Who is it that we are trying to protect – the industry of mental health? Is it us who have diagnosable disorders or the part of society that doesn’t’ and just thinks that they need to get involved. Personally, all this confusion between what words we can use and cannot use, makes me feel like they don’t really understand us at all. We don’t care about the words used, but rather the ability to communicate how we are feeling and have our voices heard. I don’t want someone to advocate for me if they don’t know what it is like to live in my shoes.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish to shout out my mental health diagnosis to the world, there needs to be a privacy between me, my therapist and my family, if I choose, but I don’t want to feel awkward either. I don’t care so much about the words, but I do want to have the freedom to talk about them without feeling shamed. I can’t tell you how many times people have asked me about my daughters and when I say that my youngest daughter died by suicide, they get this blank look upon their face, changing the subject or saying something uncomfortable and awkward. I get it, it’s not a comfortable conversation to discuss, but this is my life. Someday, my wish is that we, as a society, can treat suicide and mental health disorders as we would a physical illness, with grace, compassion, and understanding, and without the awkwardness. Mental illness is an illness just like any physical illness, it just so happens to be associated with the mind, instead of the physical body. I’m not sure why we have separated the body from the mind, while making the mind a shameful organ. It’s a mystery to me. The brain is an organ, just as the heart is an organ. Perhaps it is because we don’t understand the mind. My hope is that as science grows and develops, we will better understand the mind the same as the body, treating both equally without shame and judgements.

Most of us just want to be understood and heard. Shame isolates, creating feelings of loneliness, worthlessness, and desperation. Just because we have a mental disorder doesn’t mean that we are broken. As of any illness or disease, we can find a cure. Medications can help us to live healthy lives. Labels only make us feel more isolated and alone. We aren’t a label. We are human beings with hearts, souls, and minds. We all want the same thing – to be loved, heard, understood and find a lasting connection.

I don’t want to feel ashamed of who I am anymore. I don’t want to be labeled as a person with anxiety and PTSD. I don’t want the stigma that I am broken. I don’t want to feel ashamed. I don’t want to be unheard anymore. We are all beautiful inside and outside, in body, mind, and soul. Let’s just live our lives to the fullest, with our community, and in peace. It is okay that we aren’t perfect. None of us are, but what we are, is a community loved by each other.

If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide or suicidal ideations, you are not alone, text 988, visit them online at https://988lifeling.org to learn more about how they can help, or reach out to someone you trust, such as a mentor, friend, or a family member for support.  We are in this battle together and always remember that you are never alone.

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What Does Suicide Prevention Mean to You

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WHAT IS SUICIDE PREVENTION

I attended a webinar today about Suicide Prevention with the subject discussion called Means Matter. I like to attend webinars about suicide to learn from others and their experiences. The information is generally helpful. However, this webinar saddened me. I have been attending webinars and conferences since 2017 seeing positive changes towards awareness and prevention, but I feel like our understanding of what suicide prevention means is a bit construed.

I think it is important to focus on the why, why do people feel that they want to die by suicide. I’m often asking myself, why do some people feel sad, hopeless, and helpless but overcome the suicidal thoughts and ideations, whereas others give in to it by giving up? I have not yet found the common link, but I will never stop trying and this is where these webinars are helpful to me and my understanding, by increasing my knowledge.

Hours after the webinar I was sitting at my desk thinking, what does suicide prevention mean to me? To me prevention is like being a lifeguard. The purpose for that lifeguard is prevention. They are trained to prevent drownings by educating swimmers about water safety and controlling the pool or beach environment before an accident can occur. As a lifeguard their main goal is to prevent the drowning from happening rather than saving someone who has drowned.

This is how I look at suicide prevention, finding a way to save the individual who is experiencing suicidal thoughts and ideations before they fall into crisis mode and attempt to complete a suicide. This can be crucial in saving their lives, but we first must find out the why. Which leads me to another thought. When is the crisis mode? Some of our statistics are studied through calls to the crisis hotlines. Research has determined that crisis mode is between thirty to ninety minutes. When individuals call in wanting to give up, then within thirty to ninety minutes they have calmed down enough to hang up, feel better, and are out of crisis mode. My argument is this – is the individual in crisis mode when they make the phone call? The triangle to suicide is helplessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness. Is that individual hopeless at that moment when they make the phone call or do they still carry some hope?

These suicide hotlines are beneficial and save many lives, but my concern is that we don’t want to put all our trust into these call centers and think that our loved one is out of crisis mode and we can relax. I believe the call centers are great for individuals that are struggling and need someone to talk to, but do they save someone who is seriously thinking about ending their life?  I lost my daughter to suicide and I too have been suicidal and honestly calling anyone was the last thing I wanted to do because I didn’t want help or to be stopped. My daughter had suicide hotline phone numbers taped in her notebook, the schools do a good job of giving them out to all students, and she didn’t call the hotline that night she gave up and decided to end her life.

Please don’t misunderstand me about my message here, I one hundred percent think these suicide hotlines and call centers are beneficial, at the right time, before the individual is in crisis mode. When they are willing to have a conversation, this is great and the time for these call centers, but crisis mode to me is the most crucial time, and that is the tricky part, it is when they have decided to end their life, and this is when we must notice the warning signs to help them. I have included a few of the warning signs:

  • Wanting to be alone
  • Pushing family members away
  • Mood swings
  • Giving away favorite possessions
  • Talking about “if they die” “what ifs”
  • Listening / watching content about death
  • Random thoughts of guilt
  • Insistent about having their favorite foods
  • Prior suicide attempts – this is the most crucial time to get them help and support

These are only some of the warning signs when your loved one is in crisis mode. Subsequently, if we can get them the help they need before crisis mode or attempted suicides, we can figure out the reason why they are suicidal. Depression and other mental health issues do need to be addressed, but just because you have a mental health disorder doesn’t mean you are suicidal. Seeking a mental health therapist will help to treat the disorder, but let’s find out the why in suicide. Let’s figure out what we can positively do to redirect their thoughts and ideations with a purpose and hope for a future.

We all feel better when we feel needed. Here are some suggestions that have helped me during my struggles:

  • Forming an organization or group event
  • Journaling / Writing
  • Exercise (something daily)
  • Swimming or paddleboarding (water has a great healing ability)
  • Eating healthy
  • Volunteering somewhere you love (I love horses and volunteer with an equine therapy organization)
  • Spending time with my pets
  • Spending time outdoors
  • Binge watching my favorite shows (this one might sound weird, but it helps me to think about non-important thoughts, taking my mind away from my negative thoughts and thinking)
  • Joining a group, such as a yoga class or karate class
  • Meditation
  • Knitting (anything where you are doing something repetitive that doesn’t require you to think – hand-eye coordination)

In conclusion, as a society and individuals we are still looking for the solution to ending suicide. My suggestions will not save the world, but I do think that they may help. As parents and caregivers, trust your intuition and judgement, if something doesn’t feel right with your loved one’s behavior, trust your gut and get them the help that they need. These coping skills and family support have helped me to become the healthier me who is no longer suicidal, but we still have a long way to understand why some chose suicide over life. Continued research to understand the why rather than focusing on the means of how they completed suicide will bring us closer to ending suicide. This is my goal and I will never stop trying to know why.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or ideations there is help. Start the conversation with someone you trust or call or text the Suicide Lifeline at 988 or visit their website 988 Lifeline – If you need emotional support, reach out to the national mental health hotline: 988.

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The Secret Parasite Entangled in Depression

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THE SECRET PARASITE ENTANGLED IN DEPRESSION

Depression is a parasite that grabs hold of you, unwilling to let go.

What does depression look like? It is the one who brings the light into your world of darkness, feeling a happiness growing inside of you, flourishing and making you feel alive again, but it lies to you because it will take it all back.

It has a special charisma and charm about it. Its smile is contagious, making you laugh and cry, maybe even in the same day. It could be for something validated or for nothing at all. It has so much in common with you that you find an instant connection with it but also wish for it to go away.

Have you ever met it? It catches you off guard. You make deals with yourself on the good days, feeling like yourself again, forgiving those who have wronged you, feeling like you want to be a better person. Liking who you are in that single moment, because you have a new sense of peace. You want to smile at strangers, as you walk by them because you are genuinely happy.

But then that one day the sunshine hides behind the cloud, as the cloud becomes dark. A darkness evolves, suffocating the light that once surrounded you. You’re confused because you didn’t see this darkness, you thought it had gone away. It wasn’t there one day and then it suddenly reappeared.

The darkness is called depression. You had been filled with the light of happiness; however, now engulfed in the darkness of depression. You try to bring the light back out and to life, but you can no longer see it. Glimpses of it appear every now and again, but then the light fades, until one day the light doesn’t come back on. And what you’re left with is only the darkness.

Depression is like a parasite. It feeds from your soul, taking all your energy and light, until you are left with nothing. You’re tired, exhausted, and weak and unable to fight back. You try to fight back, but it’s all consuming, allowing no light to come back into your world. It has taken over and once again it controls you. It consumes you like a black cloud, suffocating you until you can no longer breath, so you give up.

You know the sunshine is out there, somewhere because where there is darkness, there is also light. Nothing stays dark forever.

There are not just two choices, to either fight or to give up. It’s not all black and white, there is a lot of grey in between too and it’s called healing.

There is hope. Depression is real, but it doesn’t define you. Don’t let it be your story. Seek help through your community, find a therapist that validates you, and turn your trauma into something positive for someone else to learn from your insight. And most of all, don’t give up! That is not an option because you are not alone on this journey called life ❤

If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, suicidal thoughts or ideations, there is help. Text 988 or call the Suicide Crisis Hotline. For more information, visit their website:

988 Lifeline – If you need emotional support, reach out to the national mental health hotline: 988.

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The Santa’s Angels Promise

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THE SANTA’S ANGELS PROMISE

One of our main programs at The Jewels’ Angels Foundation is the Santa’s Angels Holiday Drive. This year we are supporting the Wellspring Services in Seattle, Washington. An organization with the desire to “end family homelessness for good”.

Impact – Wellspring

They do this by connecting families to housing resources by working with housing providers and property owners in our communities for people who have lost or at risk of losing the security of their housing situation. They help to prevent families from the devastations of homelessness before it can happen to them, by providing important resources.

This annihilating situation is important to us because we strive to make it a better tomorrow for all children, teens and their families. Without healthy well-adjusted homes, these children and teens are at risk of not having the potential to strive into their full potential. They are our future and without them in it, our progress is bleak.

Suicide and mental health issues that lead to suicide continue to have alarming statistics. It is important to start providing care before a problem arises. This is one of the reasons this program is so important to us – it nurtures prevention.

Through our program, Santa’s Angels, your donation will go towards this much needed organization to support these families. The Jewels’ Angels Foundation, with your donation, will purchase and drop of clothing and essential items to the Seattle location for children from the ages of 0-7 years of age on December 21st. All donations to our organization from December 1 – December 20th will go towards this program.

To show your support, CLICK the link below to donate – here you will see a Donate Button. We appreciate any donation you can give. We cannot fight this battle alone, but we can do it together, as a community.

DONATIONS:

SANTA’S ANGELS HOLIDAY DRIVE – The Jewels’ Angels Foundation, Inc.

As always – Thank you and Happy Holidays!

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The Innocence of a Child

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THE INNOCENCE OF A CHILD

Growing up in the 1980’s, the discussion around the dinner table wasn’t about our mental health, nor was it talked about in our household for that matter. If one of us was feeling depressed or sad, we didn’t bring it up, we just accepted that we were feeling down or having “the blues”. And with that, we were given our privacy to figure it out.

I struggled with anxiety and social anxiety growing up as a kid. I felt as if I was the only person in the world with this overwhelming feeling because we didn’t talk about it with our parents, our friends, or at least I didn’t.

Television back in the 1980’s was to be desired. We didn’t have much of a selection flipping through the twelve channels, and even less of a selection during the weekends. I remember watching shows like “Happy Days”, “The Munsters”, and “Popeye”, sitting in the living room with my family. We didn’t have much privacy, such as watching television in our bedroom because most of the time we only had one television that was in the family room for the entire family to share. Not having a television in our room meant we couldn’t stay in bed past bedtime or all morning, watching television. Friday nights we watched “Wonder Woman” and Sunday nights a movie of the week came on. We didn’t know any better, but to say our television exposure to the world was monitored wouldn’t be incorrect.

When we got bored, we would have to find something to do, whether we went over to our friends’ house, had our friends come over, or played by ourselves, inventing things, such as playing in the dirt, using our imaginations and role playing based off our favorite television shows.

Recently, I remembered having a conversation like this with my dad, who was a licensed therapist and psychologist, about how much the world has changed for our youth. We discussed the similarities and differences between him growing up in the 1950s and me growing up in the 1980s, although we had big differences, the one thing that remained constant was the ability for parents to monitor outside influences, as they interacted within their children’s world.

Television replaced the radio and yes during that time our grandparents were devasted with the corruption television and movie cinemas might produce in the innocent minds of their youth, but did it? Although new inventions continued to evolve into the perspectives of our youth, they continued to entertain themselves in a relatively similar aspect.

We used our creativity, our artistic minds to recreate, draw, paint, write, play musical instruments, and read. I can’t count the amount of time I spent with my nose in my favorite book, learning about the world, traveling to new places, meeting new people, and learning new ideas, thoughts, and theories through reading.

We didn’t have the privacy our youth has today. Our telephones were in the kitchen or down the hallway, where our conversations were free for all to hear. We didn’t lock ourselves up in our bedrooms for hours or days playing video games, or on a computer, cell phones, or whatever devices we now have access to. Do I think cell phones and new technologies are great? Yes, I do. I love mine and couldn’t imagine a world without them; however, they should be used for what they were meant to do, business, not a toy or entertainment for our youth, becoming their babysitters.

Back to the beginning of my point, does each generation struggle with the same mental health issues? Yes, however, the primary difference is in how it is handled today. We, as parents, tell our youth to communicate, speak up about how they’re feeling, start a conversation. These are all great tips, but we need to pay attention to the amount of time they are spending alone, in isolation.

The definition of isolation is the state of one who is alone. Perhaps a better definition would be “seclusion”, the deliberate withdrawal from others. Because to isolate would indicate to be alone; however, interacting on social media or via cell phone texting is not technically isolating. Secluding oneself from going out to play in nature, role playing, music, sports, or spending time with family, is not always healthy and requires balance.

We have so many privacy laws, but we are forgetting the very important lesson and that is that privacy and seclusion is killing our youth, especially after COVID hit in early 2020, creating more isolation and seclusion from interacting with people. These privacy laws are protecting the big corporations, but we need better protection for our youth. When does privacy become detrimental? It becomes detrimental when our youth chooses to talk with strangers, via social media, internet – rather than within their own circle, including, parents, siblings, or mentors. It becomes detrimental when they spend too much time alone, when their thoughts become toxic because they aren’t utilizing a positive outlet, like play, imagination, art and/or music.

Privacy, a word meant to protect us, but does it? So, this is to all the parents – talk to your kids, teens, spend quality time with them, know their friends, keep them active, and most of all, be aware of their time and if they are spending too much time alone, in seclusion. Our job is to read between the lines when they tell us that they’re okay, but in reality, they are not okay.

If someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or ideations, there is help. Ask someone you trust for help or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988, because you are not alone.