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I struggle with the negative demons inside my head. What I am talking about is called negative self-talk.  We all have it from time to time, but what I am speaking on is when negative self-talk begins to affect your daily activities. Since they are inside our heads, others may not see our suffering, but trust me, it can be exhausting to have to battle, sometimes daily, with our negative thoughts’ day in and day out.

Days filled with deliberating stressors may sap our energy, whereas, fighting off the negative thoughts that are floating around in our brains, which can and often turns into anxiety, self-loathing, and depression.

I tried something new this week that I would like to share with you. Remember to be patient with yourself during your healing journey because a new habit may take up to two weeks before it develops into a permanent habit. Our bad habits do not dissipate overnight, but I think within two weeks’ time, is a fair assessment and worth it, allowing us to be better than we were yesterday. If I can be better tomorrow than I was today, it helps me to continue my path to a more positive self-discovery by gaining more confidence, with a higher self-esteem.

What I try to do when I notice the soft-spoken, but persistent negative self-talk, whispering such things as, “why didn’t you stand up for yourself…you’re going to let them treat you like that?”. What the old me would do with this information would be to begin the treacherous process of beating up on myself with the lack of supporting words like, “they are right, maybe it is my fault.”

However, I no longer follow this destructive path, but instead I change my thoughts and inner voice to something more positive, and convincing, such as, “it wasn’t worth the battle”, “I have the right to my opinion as well as you do”. When you are ready, ask them to sit down with you so that you can privately speak to them about what you don’t like with an understanding to changing for the better.

We all can make positive changes in our daily decisions, resulting in the permanent changes we create within our lives. Our decisions are our own to be made. By respecting ourselves, we create healthy relationships, honor positive decisions, and take responsibility for our actions, without blaming others for our choices. Every day is a new beginning to be the best we can be. Don’t let yesterday define who you are today, and don’t allow it to hinder your new promises for tomorrow.

SEPTEMBER IS NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION AWARENESS MONTH

The month of September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. Unfortunately, we all know that suicidal ideations, thoughts, and completing a suicide, are not designated to only the month of September, it can happen anytime of the year, but this month is a special time for all of us. It is time for us to take time out to care for ourselves, pay attention to our loved ones who may be struggling and need a little extra support, or to simply be kind to all those whom we encounter during the day. It is amazing how a simple smile, hello, or you look nice today, can make a huge impact in someone’s life.

Taking time out of our busy schedules to devote some self-pampering is not only needed, but a necessity. Too many times we focus on being there for those around us, our family members, co-workers, employees, and such, but we neglect to take care of our own needs. Self-love is so valued and not always recognized in our society. You can’t love someone else unless you truly love yourself and by taking time to reflect on self-care can make a difference in your mental and physical health, as well as those around you.

Some simple self-care tips can be:

1. Treating yourself to your favorite beverage or treat
2. Getting a massage
3. Going on a walk to self-reflect
4. Journaling
5. Picking yourself a flower
6. Exercise, such as yoga or swimming
7. Meditation
8. Reading
9. Manicure or pedicure
10. Bubble bath

We like to think that we are hypersensitive to our loved ones’ feelings and emotions, that we will be able to tell if something is bothering them. But this isn’t always true. The signs may be subtle at times, and don’t always catch our radar that something is wrong. Opening the lines of communication allows mutual communication, sanctioning someone who is struggling into a conversation. It is always nice to feel listened to, but during times of depression, stress, and overall challenges, our bodies weaken, becoming fatigued. When this happens, we let our defenses down, allowing feelings and emotions to sometimes get the best of us. Knowing that we have people around us who will listen is so helpful during those times of need.

People with depression may also be empaths, wanting to take care of others, however, often neglecting their own needs. They won’t reach out for help because they are the individual helping others and therefore, abandoning their own needs to ask for what they want or need. An empath is someone who feels other people’s feelings and emotions. This may be confusing to them, if they don’t understand it, for it may be hard to distinguish between some else’s feelings and emotions and their own.

Finally, be kind because you don’t know what some else may be going through in their own lives. Words do matter and hurt. The negative effects of social media have affected so many young people in a negative way, making words so important. Choose your words wisely because you cannot undo what has been said. The negativity of that sting lingers on, even after you’ve said you’re sorry. Instead choose positive words to uplift those around you. Be the light in someone’s life, not the darkness. Compliment often with a genuine intent. Laugh more. Smile more, but most of all, love more completely and deeply. Don’t take life for granted because we are not promised a tomorrow, all we have is today.

A POEM ABOUT DEPRESSION

In honor to Suicide Awareness Month coming up in September, I thought I would share a poem, from a person struggling, about depression:

Depression is not a choice. When people ask what it feels like, I don’t even have to think.

It’s like you’re underwater drowning. You forget how to swim. You used to know how, but not anymore. You’re incapable of swimming, so you sink to the bottom of the pool.

Nobody knows you’re drowning. They just think you’re underwater. Casually swimming and you try to call for help, but nobody can hear you. Even if they could, you’d be ashamed.

Your voice is gone. Your mind is all dark. No more everyday happy thoughts and people should not just say, “I’m depressed.” when they’re feeling down because depression is feeling down every day for months and years.

You’re in this sad box that is locked. You can’t escape. It’s become a part of you…your friend, that you don’t want. They will yell at you, scream at the top of their lungs. And you can try to get them to leave you alone, but they’re not going anywhere.

People will say it’s a phase and you wish it was, but it isn’t. You can’t just snap your fingers and be depression free. It takes a long time to recover.

Depression is not cute. It is not something you want. It is not a trend. It is an illness and a bad one too. Having depression is not a sad thought occasionally, it is not cutting yourself and showing everybody.

Really, it’s about not being able to get out of bed to shower, eat, start your day. It’s staying up until two in the morning thinking about things because you believe you’re a failure and that’s what it will get you to think.

You will begin to know to yourself that you’re useless, and that nobody will want you.

Sad, huh? It’s in your head. Depression is a bad illness and when people compare people who have depression, that’s even worse. Like you can’t become depressed because your parents got a divorce, because somebody else’s parents were killed.

You can’t put a price on sadness, and you’ll think, “Oh, God, please someone save me, anyone”, but the only person who could save you is yourself.

It will take a while too.

Do something you love, people will say. They clearly don’t understand that anything you do will not make you happy. You are sick…It isn’t a two-day thing, but I will not be shamed for my depression.

I will always have it in the back of my head, and even though it may make me want to give up, I will not. I will not give up when I have made it this far.

Don’t blame people who are trying hard to make it through their day. So, in the end, you have to remember: Depression is not a choice.

-Anonymous Author

THE ART OF COMMUNICATION

When we think about communication, what is the first thought that comes to your mind? We associate communication with speech. Speaking is a form of how we communicate with each other. We have learned that communication means speaking. But is it?

Communication is so much more than merely that of speaking. There are many other forms, such as, non-verbal, observation, and listening.

Let’s look at the communication between a mother and that of a child. Within the first year of life, children will start forming words, for example, they may say, “mama”, “dada”, “nana”, and “baba”. Since they are limited to certain sound structures, at first only certain words and sounds are created. Subsequently, some words may be distinguishable amongst the caregivers raising the child, but some are not as obvious to outsiders. Although, you often hear the parent shout out with enthusiasm, “Did you hear what he/she just said? They just asked for a banana.” We, as the primary caregivers can detect the word banana even though the child isn’t developmentally capable of forming these sounds yet. However, we understand their desire for the banana and think we hear them say banana from learned behavior or observation.

Another form of communication is “people watching”. This act of observing is non-verbal and left to our own interpretations of what we are viewing within their interactions. It is a form of communication but instead of it being ours, we are observing another; communication, as we interpret it.

Communication may also be intimate. It is wonderful to be close to someone, a significant other, our partner, and understanding them without any verbal communication. Simple gestures of body language, such as twirling one’s hair between their fingers can indicate to the other of discomfort or in deep thought. A sigh, suggesting frustration or even a certain smile between two people with so much understanding without any need for words. Smiles can allude to expressions of, “I’m not feeling well”, I feel safe with you”, and so much more.

And finally, listening. One of the most important, yet undervalued forms of communication, which is so often overlooked. So many of us can talk up a storm but lack the qualifications of being an effective listener. Without the ability to listen, you do not have valued communication. So many people miss the true meaning of the word, communication. Speaking and listening must be equally important. Communication is about understanding and without listening, you cannot understand the words that are being spoken.

So next time you are having a conversation, pay close attention that you are not merely communicating words, but are fully understanding and processing the subject that is being communicated.

Have fun with it too. Try your spoken communication, observing others around you, smile at a stranger, letting them know that you “see” them. Notice the world around you with all its splendor. Communication is all around us, be a part of it, in every aspect it is intended to be.

Have you ever thought, “Can I make a difference when there is only one of me?” The answer is, yes you can.

As individuals we don’t think that we have the power to make a difference, but we do. And how, do you ask? One simple strategy is reaching out to them – connecting. Connection is so important because people want to feel seen and heard; that others love them, that their loved ones, friends, and work associates value them, notice them and recognize that they exist.

There is nothing worse than feeling as if you have been disregarded, thrown out like yesterday’s garbage, and worse yet, forgotten. However, it doesn’t need to be like this, when a simple text or phone call will do to tell them “Hi, I’ve been thinking about you”. It really is that simple. I know we don’t always have the time to call, with our busy schedules and lives, so texting can be just as effective.

One thing that I do every single day, is send a good morning text to my daughter and sister. I also include a cute emoji or funny clip to make them smile and acknowledge that I love them. I make this a habit to do each morning with my morning cup of coffee. It is simple, without much effort on my part, but creates a lasting impact in their day.

Believe me, there is nothing worse than feeling like you’re alone in this big world, especially during difficult times in our lives. Reaching out gives us a way of staying connected with the notion that we aren’t ever truly alone – it is our mind being deceptive, tricking us into believing that we are alone.

Let’s make a difference in someone’s life today, by reminding them that they are not alone and that they matter.

The Jewels’ Angels Foundation wants to wish you and your family a very Happy Easter, spending time with family, friends, or doing something that you love. Also remember self-care during the holidays because YOU are most important and without you, nothing else matters.

TO BE LOVED BY A DOG

Most of us have had a pet during some part of our life. It may have been a dog, a cat, a bird, a hamster, a horse, or even a fish. The excitement upon meeting them for the first time brings us a spike of endorphins. We have adopted a new family member to love, nurture, and who will spend time with us.

Did you know that having a pet may have direct positive benefits on your health, both physically and emotionally? Scientific studies have shown that owning a pet can help improve a person’s well-being by lowering their blood pressure and decreasing cortisol levels, the stress hormone.

Besides the physical benefits, there are also emotional benefits. Studies have shown that certain pets can reduce anxiety levels. Have you ever come home to your pet and cried yourself to sleep, while holding them in your arms? Or what about talking to your pet – they don’t talk back, but the ability to talk out loud helps a person to organize and process their thoughts. And how wonderful it is to have a pet at home with you when you may be home alone, helping us to feel connected and safe, whether your pet is a dog, cat, or even a horse.

Are you a cat or dog person? It doesn’t really matter because we generally pick our pets by our personalities. Personally, I like both cats and dogs. Cats have an attitude with the ability to make you laugh, while in a moments time, they are laying in your lap, cuddling. Whereas their counterpart, the dog, is protective, loving, and a great companion to spend time with traveling, going on runs, hiking, or whatever you love to do.

Depression is a mental disorder characterized by persistent sadness and lack of interest or pleasure in previously rewarding or enjoyable activities. Some studies show that having a pet doesn’t help with depression, whereas others agree that it does have a direct and indirect effect. I believe that having a pet does significantly improve one’s mental health, even if it is indirectly related, especially if you are fond of having pets and loving animals.

First, when you own a pet, you are forced to drag yourself out of bed to feed them, take them out to go to the bathroom, and play or walk with them. The simple act of getting out of bed stimulates our mind by creating endorphins, and other similar chemicals in our brain, which elevate our mood.

Secondly, it helps us to feel better about ourselves when we are pouring love into our pets, giving us a sense of belonging and purpose, by knowing that something needs you. Subsequently, the petting motion takes our minds off our anxiety, calming our minds, slowing down our rapid breathing, and even sometimes taking our minds off of what is bothering us, at least for a little bit.

Third, having certain pets, such as a dog or horse, we have a companion, a friend to go on hikes with, riding in the forest, or simply walking around the block or stables. Indirectly, we have decided to go out and do something that brings us pleasure, as well as a new perspective and a peaceful mind. Without that pet, we may have decided to stay in bed, eating the tub of ice cream while watching Netflix – which is okay to do sometimes.

Pets are beneficial in so many ways. Directly and indirectly, altering our behaviors, our perspectives about our lives, and giving us healthy outlets to be creative, active, and healthier. We all wish to be loved and to love – what better way than by loving and caring for an animal – your best friend.

I IMAGINE GOD IS FURIOUS

I remember someone asking me, shortly after my daughter died, if I was worried that she would not go to Heaven. Understandably, I was beyond distressed and stunned. Sadly, I looked them in their eyes, telling them that of course she was in Heaven – she was just a child who was in a lot of pain.

After this encounter, I relentlessly researched the subject, uneasy with a lot of the information that I found; however, I knew in my heart that they were wrong about suicide. 

I haven’t spoken about this publicly until now and I don’t mean any disrespect to those with these rigid beliefs, but my truth must be heard. 

How could God turn his back on his children standing before him at the gates of Heaven because they had died by suicide? Through my years of Bible study, I was taught that He is a loving and forgiving God. I mean that must be true, since he forgives our sins, including the sins of murder, rape, molestation, and torture towards His children or any of the sins for that matter, by accepting us into his graces by simply asking for forgiveness. And why? Because the Bible states that all sins are created equal. 

Don’t we all sin every day and do we ask for forgiveness after each time we do so? If you have a bad thought about someone, do you ask for forgiveness? If you use the Lord’s name in vain, do you ask for forgiveness? If you judge someone, even if silently, do you ask for forgiveness? What if upon your last day in this life, you lied to your parents, partner, co-worker, or any fellowman and didn’t get a chance to ask God for forgiveness? Would this justify in your mind that you would not go to Heaven? Of course not. It wouldn’t even cross your mind. But yet, according to the Bible and Christian’s alike, God will turn away and slam the door, metaphorically speaking of course, in the faces of His most broken, wounded, and desperate children, who had nowhere to turn, who felt alone and abandoned. That doesn’t sound like a belief that I want to follow. 

Aren’t we supposed to comfort those of us who are hurting? Isn’t that what Christianity is all about, being kind to those less fortunate than ourselves? Helping those in need. Not casting stones upon those with judgment, but instead, forgiveness. 

If so, then how can suicide be a mortal sin that does not permit His children to enter the gates of Heaven. If he is truly our Father in Heaven, then I would expect him to welcome all of his children, bad or good. Isn’t this what our mortal parents do? We teach our children that at times we may not like their actions, but we always love them, no matter what they do. So why is suicide any different, in the eyes of Christianity?

I imagine God is furious with his creation, casting away His children who were too lost to find their way out of the darkness – trying to find their way back to the light, but with too little time, only to be shunned by the Church, when his intention for us was to be kind and good.

THE TRUTH BEHIND ANXIETY

What does anxiety feel like? Many describe it as a racing heart. I have heard of numerous cases of people going to the hospital with a racing heart, while worrying about it being a heart-attack, but being sent home with a diagnosis of a panic attack or also known as, anxiety.

To me, anxiety is so much more evolved. Yes, anxiety causes me to have a racing heart, but if you really pay attention to your symptoms, there are others that aren’t as distinctive or obvious. You should pay attention to the other symptoms as well.

First, when I am anxious, I first notice it by my lack of focus. Staying focused on simple tasks, such as working, cleaning, or reading, may become difficult. You may read the same paragraph in your book several times before realizing that you are not getting very far into your story. You may start cleaning the kitchen and find that you have wandered off to the bedroom performing another task, while leaving the one started in the kitchen forgotten. It isn’t an attention deficient or hyperactivity, that is occurring. What is happening is that my mind is trying to distract myself from what is really bothering me or causing me to be anxious. Needless to say, this distraction creates more havoc and distress at the time, but the mind is simply trying to distract us.

Listen to your body symptoms as well. You will see that your heart his racing, your hands may have become clammy, and you have a tightness in your throat. It is important to take a few deep breaths, recognize the symptoms, and be patient with yourself. When I become distracted, I make myself a list of what I need to accomplish for the next hour or day. This helps me to keep my mind focused on the tasks needing to be completed. A visual stimulation draws the mind back to focus, allowing me to follow through with the items I need to complete. Make sure your written list is reasonable and simple because if you put too much on your list, you will be overwhelmed and disappointed with yourself for not finishing the list. The other positive component to making a written list, is that it will also give you a sense of completion. You completed what you set out to do and this is always a good feeling.

Second, I often feel dizzy or light-headed when anxiety is coming on. This is due to my heart racing and the blood going quicker than normal to my head. When this happens, it is important to stay hydrated and sit down for a bit, take several slow, deep breaths, and slow down your breathing.

Third, this symptom is less obvious than the others. A lot of times I am hyper-focused on worrying about something bad that may or may not happen. This is due to my past traumas. I have found that I am a preventer and planner. What I mean by this is that when I’m in a stressful situation, I will plan out in my head the best possible solution to prevent more anxiety from occurring. An example of this is prevention. Let me explain. I will always try to put myself in a situation that will allow me the least amount of stress. Such as if something bad happens to me, I will create a positive scenario to replace the negative action. This may sound like a positive thing, and it may be, however, what I am really doing is alleviating the stress and panic that is starting to creep up into my chest and mind, preventing myself from having a full-blown panic attack. Diverting my attention away from the negative situation and replacing it with a positive scenario. Even though the possibility of it ever occurring is slim, it calms my mind down and saves me from a panic attack.

JUST STAY BECAUSE WE NEED YOU

Too many times we feel that we are insignificant to the world. Who are we to think that we make a difference in this great big world because we are simply one person, singular in principle? As we grow into adults, some of us may change our viewpoint on this subject or perhaps years of therapy teaches us the importance of our value, but for our youth, they are lacking this knowledge. The world is such a big place and many times we are lost to it and the importance of each and every one of us.

Let’s think about this from a different perspective. The simplicity of a flower. We purchase them all the time, either for ourselves or for others. They are a representation, a gesture of love, thoughtfulness or letting someone know that we are thinking about them. We see them in our homes, churches, and hotels, filling the space with beauty. They are independent of anything except a vase and some water to keep them fresh. But are they? In order for a flower to grow it must first start out as a seed. The seed needs the nourishment from the soil, water, and the sun to enhance its growth. Subsequently, without these elements, it will neither grow nor continue to prosper into a beautiful flower.

Humans are not relieved of this dependency. We want to believe that we are independent, that we don’t need anybody but ourselves, but this simply is not true. We NEED people to grow, prosper, and blossom into healthy individuals. We need support from others when we are feeling down. We need to feel loved. We need human companionship and compassion. We need to feel that we are accepted and belong. We need to love back. We can have all the food and water in the world, but without human connections we will eventually die; emotionally, mentally, and even physically.

Unassumingly, we need each other. As children we grow up to be independent of our parents. It doesn’t mean we no longer need their love and helping hand from time to time. As parents, we want our children to grow up into healthy and independent adults, but it doesn’t mean we no longer need the love from our children or may need a helping hand.

Being independent means that we need to grow on our own, into our own individual and healthy selves. We are not weak because we ask for help. We are not pathetic because we sometimes fall down and need help getting back up. We are independently strong, but even stronger when we know that we have others to reach out to when we need help. A community is stronger than a single person and it is okay to ask for help because we need you and that is the beauty of this life – we are never truly alone because we are independently dependent on ourselves and each other.