I IMAGINE GOD IS FURIOUS

I IMAGINE GOD IS FURIOUS

I remember someone asking me, shortly after my daughter died, if I was worried that she would not go to Heaven. Understandably, I was beyond distressed and stunned. Sadly, I looked them in their eyes, telling them that of course she was in Heaven – she was just a child who was in a lot of pain.

After this encounter, I relentlessly researched the subject, uneasy with a lot of the information that I found; however, I knew in my heart that they were wrong about suicide. 

I haven’t spoken about this publicly until now and I don’t mean any disrespect to those with these rigid beliefs, but my truth must be heard. 

How could God turn his back on his children standing before him at the gates of Heaven because they had died by suicide? Through my years of Bible study, I was taught that He is a loving and forgiving God. I mean that must be true, since he forgives our sins, including the sins of murder, rape, molestation, and torture towards His children or any of the sins for that matter, by accepting us into his graces by simply asking for forgiveness. And why? Because the Bible states that all sins are created equal. 

Don’t we all sin every day and do we ask for forgiveness after each time we do so? If you have a bad thought about someone, do you ask for forgiveness? If you use the Lord’s name in vain, do you ask for forgiveness? If you judge someone, even if silently, do you ask for forgiveness? What if upon your last day in this life, you lied to your parents, partner, co-worker, or any fellowman and didn’t get a chance to ask God for forgiveness? Would this justify in your mind that you would not go to Heaven? Of course not. It wouldn’t even cross your mind. But yet, according to the Bible and Christian’s alike, God will turn away and slam the door, metaphorically speaking of course, in the faces of His most broken, wounded, and desperate children, who had nowhere to turn, who felt alone and abandoned. That doesn’t sound like a belief that I want to follow. 

Aren’t we supposed to comfort those of us who are hurting? Isn’t that what Christianity is all about, being kind to those less fortunate than ourselves? Helping those in need. Not casting stones upon those with judgment, but instead, forgiveness. 

If so, then how can suicide be a mortal sin that does not permit His children to enter the gates of Heaven. If he is truly our Father in Heaven, then I would expect him to welcome all of his children, bad or good. Isn’t this what our mortal parents do? We teach our children that at times we may not like their actions, but we always love them, no matter what they do. So why is suicide any different, in the eyes of Christianity?

I imagine God is furious with his creation, casting away His children who were too lost to find their way out of the darkness – trying to find their way back to the light, but with too little time, only to be shunned by the Church, when his intention for us was to be kind and good.