MELANCHOLY

MELANCHOLY

This time of year, I am consumed with an overwhelming sadness, suffocating me. Certain times of the year I am fooled into believing that I may have escaped the entrapment of grief, the feeling that I’m only living half alive. However, I am continually being tricked into believing the magic of the holidays with the everlasting succulent scents of cinnamon and pinecones, representing the holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas.

I struggle even though most will see me with a smile upon my face. Keeping myself busy helps but then there are those quiet times that sneak up on me, catching me off guard. I don’t write this for pity to be bestowed upon me, that is the last thing I am seeking. I share my thoughts with you to remind you of what is so important. The will to survive, to fight these dark desires, feelings of grief, depression, and loneliness. We must truly live our lives to the fullest. This isn’t just a cheeky cliché, but a true expression of survival.

Sometimes it seems easier to surrender to the sadness of life, but harder to get up, get dressed, put one foot in front of the other, and live. Trust me, I know these days, that sometimes turn into weeks, months, and even years, and they can be exhausting, feeling crushed while asking myself “what is the point?”.

Subsequently, there is a point to this madness called life and that is love, connection, and family. Family doesn’t need to be blood, it can be a friend, acquaintance, pet, or even yourself. We were put on this earth for a reason; I truly believe this. We didn’t ask to be born, yet here we are, so there must be a reason. We may not see that reason or currently know what it is. I must believe this, that there is something bigger than us.

My best advice to you and to myself is to never give up. Do some deep soul searching. Seek those around you that love you. If you feel stuck, make a change in your life, even if it is scary. It doesn’t have to be a big change, simple, smaller changes may be just as impactful. It’s just important to change. There is a reason why change is difficult for most people – because it is frightening not knowing what is unknown. It makes us feel uncomfortable and therefore, unwilling to feel this way, we avoid changing something that is overdue.

If it feels uncomfortable, just do it. I’ve found that most things that are hard and scary were some of my best decisions. There is never a right time to start so start right now, today. Remember, you are stronger than your pain.

Someone said this quote to me once, and it just stuck in my head because it’s a fact – you don’t know what you don’t know. Simple and to the point. You won’t know what is best for you until you try it. I think I’ll take my own advice. Everyday is a new day and a new day to do better than you did yesterday. Thank you for listening and happy holidays 😊