What Does Suicide Prevention Mean to You

WHAT IS SUICIDE PREVENTION

I attended a webinar today about Suicide Prevention with the subject discussion called Means Matter. I like to attend webinars about suicide to learn from others and their experiences. The information is generally helpful. However, this webinar saddened me. I have been attending webinars and conferences since 2017 seeing positive changes towards awareness and prevention, but I feel like our understanding of what suicide prevention means is a bit construed.

I think it is important to focus on the why, why do people feel that they want to die by suicide. I’m often asking myself, why do some people feel sad, hopeless, and helpless but overcome the suicidal thoughts and ideations, whereas others give in to it by giving up? I have not yet found the common link, but I will never stop trying and this is where these webinars are helpful to me and my understanding, by increasing my knowledge.

Hours after the webinar I was sitting at my desk thinking, what does suicide prevention mean to me? To me prevention is like being a lifeguard. The purpose for that lifeguard is prevention. They are trained to prevent drownings by educating swimmers about water safety and controlling the pool or beach environment before an accident can occur. As a lifeguard their main goal is to prevent the drowning from happening rather than saving someone who has drowned.

This is how I look at suicide prevention, finding a way to save the individual who is experiencing suicidal thoughts and ideations before they fall into crisis mode and attempt to complete a suicide. This can be crucial in saving their lives, but we first must find out the why. Which leads me to another thought. When is the crisis mode? Some of our statistics are studied through calls to the crisis hotlines. Research has determined that crisis mode is between thirty to ninety minutes. When individuals call in wanting to give up, then within thirty to ninety minutes they have calmed down enough to hang up, feel better, and are out of crisis mode. My argument is this – is the individual in crisis mode when they make the phone call? The triangle to suicide is helplessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness. Is that individual hopeless at that moment when they make the phone call or do they still carry some hope?

These suicide hotlines are beneficial and save many lives, but my concern is that we don’t want to put all our trust into these call centers and think that our loved one is out of crisis mode and we can relax. I believe the call centers are great for individuals that are struggling and need someone to talk to, but do they save someone who is seriously thinking about ending their life?  I lost my daughter to suicide and I too have been suicidal and honestly calling anyone was the last thing I wanted to do because I didn’t want help or to be stopped. My daughter had suicide hotline phone numbers taped in her notebook, the schools do a good job of giving them out to all students, and she didn’t call the hotline that night she gave up and decided to end her life.

Please don’t misunderstand me about my message here, I one hundred percent think these suicide hotlines and call centers are beneficial, at the right time, before the individual is in crisis mode. When they are willing to have a conversation, this is great and the time for these call centers, but crisis mode to me is the most crucial time, and that is the tricky part, it is when they have decided to end their life, and this is when we must notice the warning signs to help them. I have included a few of the warning signs:

• Wanting to be alone
• Pushing family members away
• Mood swings
• Giving away favorite possessions
• Talking about “if they die” “what ifs”
• Listening / watching content about death
• Random thoughts of guilt
• Insistent about having their favorite foods
• Prior suicide attempts – this is the most crucial time to get them help and support

These are only some of the warning signs when your loved one is in crisis mode. Subsequently, if we can get them the help they need before crisis mode or attempted suicides, we can figure out the reason why they are suicidal. Depression and other mental health issues do need to be addressed, but just because you have a mental health disorder doesn’t mean you are suicidal. Seeking a mental health therapist will help to treat the disorder, but let’s find out the why in suicide. Let’s figure out what we can positively do to redirect their thoughts and ideations with a purpose and hope for a future.

We all feel better when we feel needed. Here are some suggestions that have helped me during my struggles:

• Forming an organization or group event
• Journaling / Writing
• Exercise (something daily)
• Swimming or paddleboarding (water has a great healing ability)
• Eating healthy
• Volunteering somewhere you love (I love horses and volunteer with an equine therapy organization)
• Spending time with my pets
• Spending time outdoors
• Binge watching my favorite shows (this one might sound weird, but it helps me to think about non-important thoughts, taking my mind away from my negative thoughts and thinking)
• Joining a group, such as a yoga class or karate class
• Meditation
• Knitting (anything where you are doing something repetitive that doesn’t require you to think – hand-eye coordination)

In conclusion, as a society and individuals we are still looking for the solution to ending suicide. My suggestions will not save the world, but I do think that they may help. As parents and caregivers, trust your intuition and judgement, if something doesn’t feel right with your loved one’s behavior, trust your gut and get them the help that they need. These coping skills and family support have helped me to become the healthier me who is no longer suicidal, but we still have a long way to understand why some chose suicide over life. Continued research to understand the why rather than focusing on the means of how they completed suicide will bring us closer to ending suicide. This is my goal and I will never stop trying to know why.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or ideations there is help. Start the conversation with someone you trust or call or text the Suicide Lifeline at 988 or visit their website 988 Lifeline – If you need emotional support, reach out to the national mental health hotline: 988.