Our Traumas do not define us.
This week my therapist asked me an important question. “Who is your five-year old self and how can you be more like her?”
I often think about her and she makes me smile. I remember her as a spunky, sweet girl with golden-wheat hair that surrounded her angelic face with flaxen curls. She was so independent. I know this because my dad told me. I had a white dresser in my bedroom. He put my “everyday” clothes in the bottom two drawers. This allowed me the freedom to dress myself and go next door to my adopted grandparents’ house for breakfast ever day.
I absolutely love that statement he gave to me. I was independent and made my own choices. Granted, I was only five with limited control or accountability; however, I loved his tactic of conditioning me into someone I now respect.
Independence has always been important to me. Subsequently, with it came a cost. I would say that growing up, I was given too much freedom to be independent, especially after my parents’ divorce. It is not always a good thing because with my independence I isolated myself, which created me to get lost into my own distorted perspectives, which weren’t always good.
That five-year-old girl became insecure, developed a low self-esteem, and became too self-critical. I stopped believing in myself and looked to others for guidance, direction, and acceptance. I stopped believing in the things that I believed in. I pushed my own dreams aside to please others, especially my parents, partner, and my dad.
I have accomplished a lot in my life that I am proud of, and therefore, with my life experiences I have realized how important it is to believe in yourself, even when nobody else does. This is beneficial in many ways, but especially when it comes to gaining a healthier self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence.
My challenge for you is to reintroduce something back into your life that inspires you. For me, it was my writing. I always loved to write and read, dreaming of being a published author. But I didn’t have enough confidence in my talents, abilities, or myself to go after what I really wanted because I listened to people in my circle who told me that I wasn’t good enough. Perhaps I’m not, but I will never know unless I try.
That is why my wish for everyone is to give it a try by believing in yourself because if you don’t then nobody else will. As an adult I have been lucky and blessed with people in my life who do believe in me and somedays more than I do. They’ve helped me to regain my confidence and self-esteem, but only I have the power to do it. So, I did it. I published my first book and now when my therapist asks me what I liked about that five-year-old girl, I can tell her. I love her independence, courage and perseverance. She didn’t give up on herself, even when life made it so easy to do so. Instead, she persevered and made her life into what she had dreamt it to be.
HER SCARS is sold on Amazon as an e-book or paperback at the following link:
Feel free to visit my author page for more information about HER SCARS or to learn more about the novel at the following link:
Her Scars
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