AVOIDANCE

Avoidance is the action of preventing something from happening. We all have avoided something, whether it is an unpleasant phone call, confronting someone, or social instances. However, avoidance may be more complicated than merely feeling physically uncomfortable.

I have recently been studying more about the symptoms caused by post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Avoidance may be associated with this disorder. During a traumatic situation, our minds can shut down to protect ourselves from the trauma. And one of the ways to shut down may be with avoidance.

I am not a therapist, but I do have personal experience with this topic. I will never forget the details of the night my daughter died. The memories are forever etched into my memory. The months and years after this horrific event were filled with unbearable pain and healing, but somewhere along my path of acceptance and healing, I learned to push my feelings down deep inside of my mind to allow myself to function throughout the day, as best I could. This strategy permitted me to get through my days by putting the tragic event into an invisible box, in the back of my mind, to deal with later, for when I had time to cry, be angry, or zone out. Although this helped me get through the day, pieces of that traumatic day got stuck somewhere in my subconscious, remaining unseen, but not forgotten.

Often during the day, when something reminds me of my daughter, suicide or any memory associated with her, I feel my body reacting with a racing heart, shortness of breath, dizziness, or headache. It may be one or two of these symptoms, or sometimes all of them flood me with overwhelming anxiety. But when I try to locate the point of discomfort, the memory, I am at a loss, not knowing where the anxiety is coming from nor what emotion it is attached to. Why? Because I have learned how to avoid unpleasant memories too well, and now I have learned how to avoid them, but this is not an effective strategy because avoidance creates triggers.

The definition of a trigger is a negative reaction to a traumatic memory, creating a physical and emotional reaction. There are specific therapy types to help someone struggling with triggers, such as exposure therapy and EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing).

Keeping a journal nearby helps me to record my physical reactions to triggers, such as when I feel my body tense, my heart rate increasing and/or dizziness – I recollect what my thoughts were in that moment before I felt the physical reaction. Writing this blog has created the racing heart, shortness of breath and tightness in my chest, with a spacy feeling. These are all silent reactions happening inside my body that nobody notices, but me.

According to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), triggers are individualized experiences that vary widely from person to person. Understanding Mental Illness Triggers | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness

In conclusion, as part of the grieving process we may want to avoid our unpleasant thoughts and memories; however, it is important to recognize this unconscious tactic and bring it to the surface by recognizing the physical symptoms while attaching it to an emotional response and reason for the thought.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or ideations, talk with someone you trust or text the Suicide Crisis and Lifeline at 988. And always remember that you are not alone, and you matter!